Love Lesson: Irresistible Flirting Tips!
Have ever seen someone really attractive in the supermarket and thought, “I wish I could go home and get dressed and come back. This is not how I would want him to see me!” This is why we need an inner flirting game and an outer flirting game. You are wishing that your exterior looked different but that’s only half of the equation. We are really talking about magnetic attraction and charging up your inner bombshell so that everything positive you want that is for you comes to you.
The ABF Principle is to Always Be Flirting. If you’re married, you should be flirting with your husband. Flirting simply means enjoying your own magnificence in the presence of another. When you think about it that way rather than, ‘I’ve got to get his attention’ you’re standing more in your power.
Attracting love and flirting are a self-love game because flirting and any kind of love comes from how you feel about yourself.
Here are your Inner Feminine Flirting and Outer Feminine Flirting Tips. We speak of flirting with men here but you can apply these pointers to anyone you are attracted to.
1. Inner Feminine Flirt Tip: Your love belief system.
Have ever declared, “All men are dogs. Men ain’t ish”? Have you have ever insisted, “Men don’t like women like me; with my skin color or hair type”? Have you have ever said, “I’m too successful, powerful, or independent for these men”? Have you have ever decided, “I make the money. I have the degrees. So what do I need them for?” Have you ever said, “I’m going to just take this single time for myself” and that singledom that was once a choice has become your multi-year lifestyle? Have you ever said, “Statistics show that there are no men in my dating pool anyway”?
Those declarations make up your Love Belief System, or as I like to call it ‘your Love BS.’ I know you want the easy flirting game but none one of that will matter if you believe that you are less than. So work first on your concept of self.
Secondly, what do you believe about relationships? If you put a man up on a pedestal, the only way he can see you is to look down on you. If you both have each other on pedestals, now you can begin to see each other. It’s also important to remember that the only man we can change is one wearing diapers. So don’t get into a relationship thinking, “He’s got potential. I’m going to change him.” Either accept him as is with the knowledge that we’re all evolving or reject him.
You also can’t have a healthy relationship if you feel you don’t need anyone. There’s a difference between independence and interdependence. Interdependence is known as a healthy dependency need. If you’re in a relationship with someone of course you need them. This is different than being needy and not being self-sufficient.
2. Outer Feminine Flirt Tip: Your body language.
The way you dress and present yourself in the world is a part of your body language. Don’t ever leave your house looking less than your sacred bombshell self. That doesn’t mean you need to be glammed up. This could be t-shirt and jeans or whatever it means to you to properly represent yourself but leave the house expecting a miracle. Be dressed, ready, and open to it because you are a magical and majestic creature, who is attracting to you everything that you desire. Leave your house representing that.
Once you feel comfortable with your appearance, the next thing is eye contact. It’s so basic but eye contact and a smile will go a long way. Flirtatious feminine energy is vulnerable and open.
I know it’s not easy. We can’t walk a block without someone yelling, “Smile.” We don’t want to be bothered but it’s not about them or the tyranny of smiling when we feel miserable. Here’s where we get it twisted. We think, “I need a game face because I have to protect myself.”
However, you’re already protected so walk out there and if you are attracted to somebody, make eye contact and smile. It takes 5 full seconds for a man to register your smile. Now he approaches and you’re flirting with him. It’s okay to have physical contact, to touch his arm, as you talk. Enjoy the experience.
This doesn’t mean that you’re thirsty or desperate. The fear of being thirsty keeps people single. We don’t want to appear needy but remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You have a crown on your head. You could never ever be less than so it is okay for you to flirt with someone you’re attracted to. If they flirt back, great. If not, his loss. You haven’t been “played.” Move on.
3. Inner Feminine Flirt Tip: Your connectivity.
Connectivity has everything to do with flirting and relationships – and life. This is about remembering at all times that you are connected to something greater. When you have that knowledge in your bones, it shines through in who you are.
If you are walking along, enjoying your magnificence and knowing that you are connected to the same energy that created the sun you can stop traffic. If you’re in the Home Depot with rollers and see Idris and you’re owning your beauty and power, he will not see rollers. He will only see you and your light.
Walk with your head held high and everything else, including the sway of your hips, will fall into place.
4. Outer Game: Your focus on the other person.
Have you ever been listened to so intently by another person that you felt like, “they really get me”? We all deserve to have that experience. Listening is active by itself. It’s not planning a reply or rebuttal. Listening is not wondering how your name looks next to his. It’s being present in the moment with someone.
This is an important life skill that you should also add that to your flirting and your dating arsenal. If you listen to a man like he is the only person speaking on earth, he’s going to feel a transformative experience with you.
It’s understandable that when we meet someone we like we want to tell them everything but it’s too much all at once. Instead of talking and trying to figure out if he likes you, listen and you can figure out if you like him. Talk to a person about themselves and they will listen to you forever. Just listen and he’ll feel like, “I had the best conversation ever” and you probably didn’t even say anything.
Anybody who talks long enough is going to show you who they are rather than you trying to make them into who you want him to be.
5. Inner Game Tip: Your receptivity.
Receiving is feminine energy. So many of us have problems with receiving love. We can’t even receive a basic compliment. Some of us can’t receive a smile without thinking, “What do they want from me?”
Remember, you deserve to be loved and adored. Flirting is give and take. You can’t do this if you’re afraid to receive.
You are worthy of all you desire. So flirt, flirt, flirt your big beautiful heart out and enjoy being your sacred bombshell self.
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Catch up on Abiola’s Love Class
- R&B Divas LA: Sexy Love Secrets
- Laverne Cox: ‘Orange is the New Black’
- Kia Granberry: Overcoming Abusive Relationships
- Blood, Sweat & Heels: Demetria Lucas
- Sheena LaShay: Rising After Sexual Abuse
- Bershan Shaw: Love in The City on OWN
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Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams is the author of “The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love,” nominated for an African American Literary Award in self-help. She gives extraordinary women inspiring advice on healthy relationships, self-esteem and getting the love we deserve. You’ve seen her love interventions in magazines from Essence to Ebony and on shows from MTV’s “Made” to the CW Network’s “Bill Cunningham Show.” Abiola is also the creator of the African Goddess Affirmation Cards. Tweet @abiolaTV.
