In my last relationship, I chose to ignore red flags. I turned the other cheek to the warning signs that blared, “He isn’t the one!” and remained committed to the relationship. I could make this work, I thought. So what if he isn’t as affectionate as I’d like. We can work on the lack of sexual chemistry, can’t we? Because he’s a good man, I convinced myself.
Blame it on being self-sacrificial, optimistic or an emotional masochist but I really wanted my relationship to work. It didn’t. And with good reason. We are too different. I needed something else that he couldn’t provide. I realized this a week shy of our year anniversary. I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and asked, “Is this the kind of relationship you want forever? Can you be with him forever as he is?” No, I replied. And that was the beginning of the end.
We all do this. Women often convince themselves that they can change a man. In relationships, we ignore red flags and obvious dealbreakers. But no more, ladies! I am here to share seven relationship deal breakers women should never ignore.
Lack of Sexual Chemistry
I learned this the hard way (no pun intended). A lack of sexual chemistry can break a relationship. Even when you find your partner attractive, there can be a lack of sexual connection. Now, don’t dump him after one bad romp. Give it some time but not too much time. With sexual chemistry, you either have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, well, then you’re just friends.
His Cute Jealous Ways
Many women think that a jealous man is cute. I get it. I enjoy it when the man I love pulls me in closer as another dude walks by. But, it’s not cute when he asks who you’re talking to. It is a bad sign when he checks your messages and doesn’t let you do anything without him. That’s not cute jealousy. That’s crazy and dangerous control.
He Doesn’t Get Along with Loved Ones
Your man doesn’t have to be BFF’s with your girlfriends. He doesn’t have to spend every day with your family. But he should enjoy their company and vice versa. If everyone you love is giving your man the side eye there may be something you are overlooking. Not everyone can be wrong.
We Have Nothing in Common
Whitney and Bobby had a song called “We Have Nothing in Common” and their relationship was messy. If you find yourself in the same position your relationship may be in trouble. You have to be able to talk your man about common interests. You should enjoy similar activities. I, for one, love to socialize. I can’t be with a man who always wants to be at home. That was my ex and we are o-v-e-r, over.
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Losing My Religion
Religion is one of the main reasons for divorce. That’s why it’s important to be on the same biblical page. I want a man who is spiritual but I am not a churchgoer. It be difficult for me to be with a man who goes to mass multiple days a week. Be honest with your partner about religious beliefs and expectations. If you believe in God and he’s an Atheist your relationship is doomed.
More Money, More Problems
How your partner manages his money can affect you down the line. Once married you join financial forces. Imagine sharing your income and paying bills with someone who can’t save a dime. Or someone who is so cheap they only shop at the 99 cents store. Talk about your expectations regarding finances. Will you only have a joint account or multiple accounts? What are your spending habits? If you see that his style is to splurge and you’re all about saving, or vice versa, he may not be your match.
Doesn’t Meet Small But Important Needs
The small stuff can negatively affect relationships. If affection is what you need your partner should meet this need. If you are a woman who loves quality time, or words of appreciation, your man should want to provide this for you. If you’ve expressed your needs, and neither can compromise, that’s a blaring red flag. Take it from me – you cannot be happy if needs aren’t met. You cannot change someone to be who you want them to be. Convincing yourself otherwise will only hurt you in the end.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is the Love Guru for Exitos 93.9FM, a relationship expert and the author of Love Trips. Get her relationship advice daily on LoveSujeiry.com.
