Why “I Ain’t Got No Type” When It Comes To The Men I Date These Days
Is your extensive list of dating requirements keeping you from finding Mr. Right? After quite a few years in the dating game, my answer is yes. Dating is hard enough, but growing up in an era where high school sweethearts are few and far between while computer love and Tinder reign supreme, things have definitely become a lot more complicated. I’ve realized that having “no type” is actually the way to go, to an extent, that is. It doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for less than I deserve, but I’m also weary of being stamped as the delusional chick who sets the bar so high that she overlooks a great catch. Ladies, let’s face it: While standards are necessary, it’s also necessary to ease up on your thorough and sometimes intimidating bucket list of wants. This is especially true when you know they’re not must-have traits that are essential for a potential partner.
These days, as a grown adult, I’m all about being realistic when it comes to the eligible bachelors I entertain. Adhering to Rae Sremmurd’s trendy phrase “I ain’t got no type,” and throwing out all notions of nit-picky dating requirements, having “no type” isn’t as crazy as it sounds. No, I’m not thirsty. I’m just being honest. Want to know why? Keep scrolling and I’ll explain in detail my new loathing for bucket lists when it comes to dating.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we all have imperfections.
Beyoncé may have made the figurative language of waking up flawless a cool trend, but it’s a big fat lie. I mean, it’s cool to shout it out with your girls during a night on the town, but by 6 a.m. you can be sure that I’m nowhere near perfect. For me, it’s more like, I woke up like this: smudged eyeliner and mascara, a messy bun, and pink lipstick smeared on my sheets. I’ve always been the type of gal that will lay out the good, bad and ugly of myself on the table with no fear. No good comes from hiding behind your 30-day representative, right? Therefore, asking a guy to have everything you want plus six-pack abs, good credit, a car, no baby mama drama, and a college degree is a mouthful. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, but think again before you demand your man to have certain things in order. If you’re looking for a six-pack, ladies, you too should be in the gym getting your sexy on. Let’s not forget, relationships are a two-way street. You can’t expect something from someone else if you aren’t even bringing the same to the table.
Tedious dating requirement lists never landed anyone a boyfriend or a long-term relationship (that I know of).
Dating is draining, so toting a long list to a dinner date and scrutinizing the guy before he even opens his mouth is even more exhausting. Basically, these lists you slave over are garbage. Sure, there are a few that list things that should go without saying: Yes, having excellent hygiene and a good personality is essential. But creating a stealthy list that goes on and on is ridiculous. After all that work you’ve put into writing about what you want, you’ll probably end up alone. Why? Because you eliminated Mr. Right for not having enough of what you were looking for on your dating ballot. Remember, guys who look good on paper aren’t always keepers.
Looks aren’t the be-all-end-all
Like most, as a teenager, I was into guys solely for their looks. And that same naïve mentality spilled over into my college years, too. My perfect man was a cross between Chris Brown and Kid Cudi (random I know): a trim physique, quirky sense of humor, musically inclined, dance moves for days, gorgeous smile and undeniable sex appeal. Years later, after dating really good looking guys and going out with a few of the hottest males my campus had to offer, I realized that looks weren’t everything. What happens when it’s just you and him and you have nothing interesting to talk about? There’s nothing less fulfilling in life than an empty relationship. Not all hot guys have hot air balloons for brains, but somehow, everyone I came across did. In my situation, I found that there was nothing more past the looks. No personality, no sense of humor, no engaging conversation, nothing. I’m not saying date the ugliest thing walking, but from experience, I’m saying don’t let looks steer your decision on a possible suitor.
We, millennial women, are living in a world of eternal bachelors.
Today, millennial women like myself are changing the dating landscape. We’re young, beautiful and making absolute boss moves. Basically, we should have our choice of any guy we want who has all the things we want on our “list.” But we also live in a world where many men are eternal bachelors. And I honestly think some guys are a tad bit intimidated by women who have big goals that they’re actively trying to accomplish. So with that being said, having these long lists of wants won’t get you anywhere if the guys you encounter are threatened by your accomplishments and hustle.
Honestly, I’m tired of looking for Mr. Right.
When it comes to relationships, I have the sentiments of the love-obsessed Charlotte York from Sex and the City: “I’ve been dating since I was 15, where is he?” I’m done looking for that special knight in shining armor who is supposed to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away. Oh yeah, and also have a long list of things I want and basically be perfect. I’m grown; I can no longer let fairy tales cloud my mind with ideas of love and relationships. Instead, I continue to live happily and healthy, and keep my hopes up that one day the right guy will appear, and I’ll be ready for him. But until then, there’s no need to lose my marbles over a guy who isn’t even in my presence yet.