Should He Propose Because You’re Pregnant?

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Not long ago I was watching Watch What Happens Live! with host Andy Cohen, and his guest was Sean “Diddy” Combs (or Puff to those of us of a certain age who refuse to call him by any other name). First let me say that I like Puff, always have. I don’t love all of his music and sometimes I think he’s a bit of a clown, but for the most part he entertains me. I think he’s great at discovering talent, building a brand, marketing himself, keeping himself relevant and is a savvy businessman. And when conducting interviews, I like that he doesn’t back down from most questions; and I feel that for the most part he gives honest answers to the questions most of his fans want answered…like one a caller asked on the show.

“Do you think you’ll ever get married?”

I think he gets asked this question a million times, and the answer is always the same – he doesn’t know. Sometimes I wonder why people badger him so much about it, especially since it seems the women in his life don’t seem that pressed. I rarely even hear from these women, other than to say he’s a good provider. He has always said that he’s simply not ready for marriage even though he’s always been more than ready to be a father – but the two don’t always have to go hand in hand. Six children (he claims Al B. Sure’s son as his own) with 3 different women always raises an eyebrow, but Puff takes it all in stride. That night on Live!, he wished all of his children’s mothers a Happy Mother’s Day and said he makes a great boyfriend, but not sure about being a husband. I was discussing Diddy’s interview with a friend and he said that Diddy should have married at least one of those women in order to make an “honest woman” out of her.

Now who knows what Mr. Combs was telling these women in any of the relationships he’s been in. Maybe he promised to marry them one day, maybe he didn’t. That Kim Porter seemed to be holding on for dear life at one point in the hopes that he’ll wake up one day and put a ring on it. But then again, maybe she couldn’t care less about a ring, so long as she and her family are taken care of. All of their situations seem to work for their family, so who are we to judge?

Personally, I don’t think a man can make a woman “honest”…whatever that means. I feel that if a woman wants to get married before having children, she should state what she wants and then stick to her guns. Some women don’t necessarily believe that you have to be married to have children…especially if that child would be the child of a mogul. Child support will do them just fine.

But for those women who DO wish to be married, then the responsibility lies with them to make sure that they either keep their legs closed or use some sort of birth control until they walk down the aisle. Most women I know who don’t want to get pregnant…DON’T GET PREGNANT. There’s a pill, a patch, a shot, a diaphragm, a foam, a ring…you name it. If you don’t want to use condoms you’re still covered, so the whole “I got pregnant by accident” excuse is just that…an excuse.

I know contraception fails, but something tells me in Diddy’s case, these women didn’t accidentally get preggers. They allowed themselves to get knocked up – without a ring – which leads me to my question of the day:

Should a man marry a woman he’s dating if she becomes pregnant because it would honor her or their child, even if he isn’t ready to be a husband? Or is he doing the right thing by not marrying a woman he knows he can’t fully commit to?

Some would argue that being the father to a woman’s child is a much bigger commitment than being a husband, so he might as well complete the unit. But I’d argue that a person is very capable of being a good parent even if he’d make a terrible boyfriend or spouse. Should people who want children be forced to get married first, even if being a husband or wife isn’t something they can fully commit to? Or should people who don’t want to get married never have children as well?

It may not be fair to use Diddy as the example since rich men may represent rare cases where the women are simply looking for a come up – so no ring is necessary. In that case, he’d probably be smart to protect his neck. But what about “regular” men and women – does the ring make you “honest?” Or are you just fooling yourself?

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