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A friend of mine told me an interesting story recently about a girl she knows who thought she met the perfect guy.

He’s fine. He graduated from Yale. He has a great job. And most importantly, he treated her well.

However, despite having it all together in almost every area of his life, he was…how do I say this?

Well, he was subpar in the sack. Sorry to say it in such a harsh way, but clearly that is the perfect way to describe the sex. How do I know? She broke up with the poor fella over it.

According to my friend, her girlfriend liked the guy a lot, but she could not overlook the fact that there was a level of passion missing from their relationship. They had been dating for less than a year, and even though things started off nicely, slowly, she started to have that feeling. It is the feeling you get when you know something is off, but you don’t want to put the spotlight on it. You don’t want to talk about it or pay it too much attention because you are happy, and you’ve finally found a great catch who is amazing on paper.

Confused as to whether or not she was about to sabotage a good thing over something she initially didn’t think was important, she tried to ignore that feeling.

However, as months passed, there was no more avoiding it: he was simply bad in bed. Eventually, she had to say something (not by telling him how bad he was, but by saying that she wanted to spice things up). So they tried different things, different moves, and different places.

Still no dice.

She put on a good front in the bedroom while she could, moaning and pretending that she was getting her world rocked, and her boots knocked. But alas, as Blaine and Antoine of the “Men on Film” skit would say, “Hated it!”

So about two months ago, after being wined and dined and appreciated by a genuinely good man, she ended things. While he had some great qualities and treated her well, she could not ignore the fact that when she was with him, she didn’t feel…fire. The fire that makes you look at your man after he says or does something unexpectedly awesome in public, and think a thought that’s a little too Rated R for me to try and put into words. The romance was there, but the passion? Not so much. She couldn’t help but think that she was settling, and that there could be someone else out there who could make her feel that fire. So she went looking…

With that in mind, I am wondering just how important is the passion in a relationship to you?

For me, it is important–but it is not that doggone important. At least, it is not important enough to make me want to leave you where you stand after you’ve made me happy in every other area of our relationship for quite some time. I am a naive believer in the idea that if you speak openly about how you feel or what you would like in your relationship (and in your bedroom), changes can happen. Tricks can be tried. Lingerie can be worn. The passion can come alive again. However, if we try all those changes, tricks, and lingerie, and the spark you’re looking for is still missing (so much so that you feel trapped in your relationship), then hey, maybe it’s best to end it. Maybe it is best to not string someone along while you tell all your friends how wack that someone is in bed. That is not cool, and that is not anyone’s business but you and your baby’s.

However, in this particular case, this woman honestly thought the grass would be greener on the other side. So she went looking, found a new guy, dated him for a little while, and then realized she wanted out. After exiting that situation, she realized that she may have messed up big time with the man she left behind because of unsatisfying sex. She told my friend that she still thinks he is “the one.” So she reached out and made an effort to connect with him again recently. He never responded.

Guess you really don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone…

So was she petty for this decision? She did try. Or is a lack of passion in a relationship, specifically in the bedroom, something you cannot ignore?

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