Is This Petty? My Man Won’t Take Me Out For Valentine’s Day Because He Thinks It’s A “Stupid” Holiday

February 11, 2015  |  

I have a friend who has been dating a guy off and on for more than a year, and I think it’s safe to say, ‘he ain’t shit’.

There are many reasons why I feel this way, but I’ll focus on one particular issue since it’s timely. Valentine’s Day is coming up in just a few days, and while I know plenty of boo’d up and single folks excited about their plans for that evening (hey, it is on a Saturday this year…turn up!), my friend is not. Especially after last year’s debacle. She and her boyfriend don’t “do” Valentine’s Day, not because of some deep and mutually accepted belief that they show their love for one another sufficiently enough all 365 days of the year. Not because something horrible happened on Valentine’s Day in their past that has haunted them in some way. They don’t do anything because, simply put, her boyfriend thinks “it’s stupid,” so he doesn’t celebrate it. Based on his feelings that it’s just a funky Hallmark holiday that forces us all to be in our feelings and in our wallets, he won’t take part in such festivities. And while that’s true in a way, it would have been nice if he had told her all this before she got her hopes up about Valentine’s Day last year…

Again, they’ve been dating off and on for about a year and a half now. When Valentine’s Day came around last year, my girl thought that her boyfriend was going to surprise her since they hadn’t talked about it, but had been dating for months already. She wasn’t expecting a lavish gift or anything over-the-top, just a thoughtful and romantic outing together.

But no, he came by, plopped himself on her couch, and made no mention of Valentine’s Day. When she asked him what the deal was, that is when he told her his philosophy on the holiday. That turned into a big argument, but it wasn’t something, in her mind, worth being done with him over. They’ve been together since, and while she’s always been a sucker for V-Day (in high school, our circle of friends would exchange candy grams the school was selling for the holiday), she’s made peace with the fact that she won’t get anything from him on Valentine’s Day–both in terms of a gift or effort.

I can’t help but feel that my friend is settling. Sure, Valentine’s Day is not that deep or important, but considering that they aren’t observing a holiday she enjoys for such a petty reason, I’m wondering if there will be things down the line that she will have to forgo in order to appease her boyfriend. And also considering that they could at least do something small and sweet together that doesn’t require spending much money, like cooking a nice meal together or going to a movie, I think he’s doing a piss poor job of compromising.

It’s not my relationship, so I’m not losing out on sleep over it all, but I was wondering what you guys think? Is this petty? Even if you enjoy Valentine’s Day, would you be okay with not celebrating it because your man thinks “it’s stupid”? What if your boyfriend waited until Valentine’s Day, like this bumpkin did with my friend, to tell you all this?


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