Girl meets guy. Guy meets girl. They “hook up” for a sexual encounter. Guy never calls girl again — unless he wants to hook up. Girl feels abandoned and used. Sound familiar? This is just one example of the “consequences” of a casual sexual relationship. Rarely do these random indiscretions ever turn into more than a few nights of sex. Nevertheless, many people are finding “comfort” in, or settling for, casual sexcapades.
Now of course what happens between two consenting adults should not be up for discussion or debate, however I caution all of us to think twice about the unintended consequences of casual sex.
Given the fact that sex, casual or not, involves an intimate exchange of energy, one should take into consideration the ramifications of engaging in the horizontal mambo. Casual sex does not come without risk. In fact, some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Reports indicate that people are often left emotionally distressed, physically jeopardized, spiritually conflicted, legally frustrated, financially burdened and socially destroyed by so called “casual” physical engagements. In addition, many times casual encounters happen under the influence of alcohol and/or other substances. While under the influence, people make choices that they would not usually make when sober. In addition, people are not able to give “informed consent.” When they awake in the morning, often times alone, sober with a hangover; it’s all bad and they are left to deal with the fallout of their sexual tryst. Some ramifications of the fallout include:
- Feeling emotionally empty. Casual sexual encounters can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust. Often people settle for casual sex because they are longing to have a connection with someone, however, after a casual sexual encounter they are left feeling emptier than before the encounter.
- Your body’s physically jeopardized. There is always the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV, and unintended pregnancy whenever a person has sex. Even though condoms and dental dams are considered effective, when used consistently and correctly there is always a chance for failure, especially if there is alcohol or some other substance involved. In addition, if there have been multiple casual sexual encounters with the same person, comfort levels begin to disappear and so does the likelihood of using a condom. The question you must ultimately ask yourself is, is this one casual encounter worth the consequence and repercussions that might follow?
- You’re spiritually conflicted. When two people have sex, there is an exchange of energy. Hormones are released into the blood stream that help bond people together. In addition, when it comes to sexual intercourse, the receiving partner literally receives something inside of their body. For people who may be practicing celibacy or who were raised to believe that sex before marriage is wrong, a slip up of casual sex may cause them to question their morals and values. Consider the fact that there is no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with, and every time you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with as well and that energy, and sometimes STIs, transfers from person to person. Be responsible for your sexual health.
- You’re legally frustrated. If you fall victim to your hormones and wind up conceiving you may end up a “friend of the court.” The process of establishing paternity can be frustrating and takes an emotional toll on everyone involved. Now you must deal with potentially missing work, late child support payments, garnishment, legal fees, and destroyed relationships; all because you were blinded by sex. Unfortunately, many times the one who is truly the casualty of this one night stand is the child because oftentimes the parents cannot seem to work things out in a mature manner.
- You’re financially burdened. Let us say for example in this moment of passion, for whatever reason, you fail to practice safer sex. And as a result, you end up pregnant or getting someone pregnant or get infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Now, you are taking care of a baby, you did not want or plan for, paying for treatment for an STI, child support payment, court cost, time of work, another mouth to feed, the list goes on.
- You’re socially destroyed. Often time people who engage in casual sex, especially women, develop a negative reputation. This reputation has a tendency to follow you and even may prevent someone from taking you seriously or seeing you as “relationship material.” Additionally, if one or both parties are married, the havoc on the spouse(s) and any children involved can be very detrimental and leave a lasting negative impact on all parties involved.
I’m not saying that people should not engage in casual sex. However, I am saying that if one should decide to partake in a casual moment of pure unadulterated bliss, then they should be well aware of the potential risk so that they can make an informed decision. It is important to think with our head and not with our hormones because at the end of the day, that five or ten minutes of pleasure may not be worth the orgasm.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, http://www.drtamaragriffin.com or http://www.projectcreatesafe.com.