Imagine your favorite dessert (cake, ice cream, pie, etc.) garnished with your favorite tasty topping and served to you just the way you like it! Sounds delicious right? But, what happens when this insatiable treat of paradise turns from an image of delight into a real life disaster? What steps could be taken to help prevent the unimaginable?
For some people, a ménage a trois, or threesome fantasy, is a delightful and pleasurable treat. But, what happens when this delightful treat goes dreadfully wrong? If not initially entered into with extreme care, you could find yourself in a middle of a BIG mess! Many desire to explore this tempting taboo but is it really all its crack up to be? And, does participating in a Ménage a trios cause more harm than good to most relationships?
To Ménage a Trois or Not? That is the question: Why Do People Choose to Partake?
For a variety of reasons, people may desire to indulge in a ménage a trois. For some men, the fantasy of being with two women at the same time, especially if the women perform sexual acts on each other, is an enticing sexual experience. For some women, the mere thought of being the center of attention as two men push her to the ultimate thresholds of pleasure is a sexual peak of indescribable measure.
Although the reasons for indulging may be limitless, the desire or need to satisfy curious sexual urges may have lead many people to choosing the ménage a trois experience. Crossing the boundaries of sexual experimentation becomes the thrill behind ménage a trois. What may ignite this desire of experimentation has no boundaries either. It could start during a person’s college years, after recently becoming divorced, the death of a spouse or just when there’s a desire to push boundaries of one’s own sexual norm. By adding sexual variety and spice to an otherwise dull and monotonous sex life the ménage a trois offers an open invitation for welcoming a third party into the bedroom. For many, this sexual freedom can intensify the passion for the primary relationship. It can also be a way to learn new and pleasurable sexual techniques ignited by the excitement of a new method of sexual exploration.
Now, participating in a ménage a trois may definitely have its up and downs. For some men and women, the advantages are so enticing that the decision to partake is a definite yes without consideration of the risks and discussing the foreseen pros and the cons of the experience. So, let’s take a moment to do just that. You can decide what fits you but here are few of the common advantages and disadvantages of participating in a ménage a trois:
- Freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life.
- Being able to discover and explore fantasies and desires with your partner helps to increase intimacy.
- Keeping variety in your sex life helps to add spice and keep the relationship fresh and new.
- The likelihood of cheating is reduced because you both agree to open your sexual relationship as a shared experience.
- Jealousy between partners. No matter how open a person thinks they are, it can be difficult to see and enjoy your partner receiving pleasure from another person. Additionally, some even become turned off by watching their partner perform “nasty” sexual acts on someone other than themselves.
- Because sex is such an intimate action, the potential to form emotional bonds with someone other than your partner in a ménage situation is also possible.
- You run the risk of your partner wanting you to mimic the sexual acts of the invited party.
- Anytime you have sex there’s a potential risk of sexually transmitted disease and unintended pregnancies.
With enticing benefits like some of the one’s above, you might be thinking, “why not, I’m all the way in!” However, keep in mind that sex between two people can be tricky enough. Now just imagine, adding a third person to the mix and how this may open the door for many unwanted challenges and scenarios to potentially unfold. And, although a ménage may be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and breath-taking experience, if you don’t pay attention to some easy to follow ménage a trois tips you may find yourself regretting the experience. So consider some, if not all, of the following “rules of play” before you ménage away:
- The experience should be mutually consensual. No one should be pressured, forced or coerced in to participating in a ménage a trois! It should be a consensually and mutually agreed upon experience for everyone. Remember it’s ok to stop the sex play if anyone feels uncomfortable at any given moment
- Trouble in Paradise. Having a ménage a trois will not solidify or repair a troubled relationship. In most cases, it will have the exact opposite effect and ultimately cause more harm to your relationship. Also, if either you or your partners are prone to jealousy, then a ménage is NOT for you.
- Get the “buy-in” from the team! Both individuals must be totally involved in the process, from selecting the third party to setting up the rules and boundaries. This way both you and your beloved feel like you are apart of the shared experience. It will also help to increase communication and intimacy between partners.
- Abide by all rules and boundaries. Rules and boundaries help to minimize potential conflict. They help to ensure that everyone is in on the same page. Be sure to maintain the rules and boundaries that you and your beloved have agreed to. The rules and boundaries can be reviewed at anytime to ensure everyone’s needs are being met.
- Remember it’s just a physical thing. A ménage is NOT the start of a beautiful budding relationship. Becoming too close and developing emotional bond with the “invited” guest is asking for trouble. Once the play is over, politely invite your guest to leave. Don’t allow the “invited” guest to sleep over, it sends the wrong message.
- Be sure to ask the “hard” questions and process emotions together before and after the ménage a trois has taken place. For example, what happens if someone gets jealous, what if one person develops feelings, what if one person wants to continue but the other doesn’t, what happens if one person establishes an emotional connection, etc? Have a truly open and honest discussion. Never push a question or expect or demand certain answers. Have Q/A sessions as often as needed, without pressure. Finally, processing the experience may take time so questions and answers may not be as immediate as expected.
- Be clear on your intentions. Ask yourself and your partner, what are you hoping to gain from this experience? Will this be a one-time experience or an ongoing adventure? Why are we seeking to invite a third party into our sex lives? Etc.
- Be sure to reaffirm the bond with your primary partner before, during and after the ménage a trois. Always make eye contact with your partner to maintain primary connection. Cuddle, rub his/her back and/or offer the endearing forehead kiss, this helps to solidify the oneness in your relationship. Be mindful of penetration. Penetration is a very intimate act of energy exchange. It implies creating a bond with one of the individuals in the triad while leaving the other out. Allowing your partner to penetrate a third party will create a lifelong connection.
- Don’t be in a rush to “make” it happen. The ménage may not happen on the first go round. Allow for a natural progression to take place, especially if it’s the first time for you or the invited party. Ease in to the situation. Don’t give or feel pressured by anyone to participate. You want everyone involved to be comfortable and confident with the decision to play.
- Never invite a stranger to your house. Safety over Sex! Consider meeting at a hotel or perhaps making your dream threesome activity something you try while on a vacation. Lifestyle clubs offering “play rooms” can also be useful, discrete and fun.
Is it true, “two’s a company and three’s a crowd?” If the answer is no, then the desire to invite a third person into your sex play is a definite sign for early conversation, negotiation, and agreement to be topped off with a sprinkle of extreme caution. Without it, your ménage a trois fantasy dream may just turn out to be a real nightmare from hell. But, if you and your beloved decide to enter into the experience together with an open and honest “team” approach then the chances of having a dynamic time unfolding are limitless. Always remember to communicate and try to process any emotions associated with the experience with time and patience. There’s no need to rush to “make” it happen. Allow for a natural progression of activity to take place and enjoy the journey. Making the ménage the sole focus of your intimate relationship is a sure way to guarantee that it won’t happen and it could destroy the relationship all together! Remember, it’s just a sexual desire but you and your beloved are the heart of your relationship and only together can the magic truly happen.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, http://www.drtamaragriffin.com or http://www.projectcreatesafe.com.
