It’s a question that crosses the minds of many a black mother, should I put a perm in my daughter’s hair. This question becomes even more pressing if your daughter has thick, kinky hair. And if she’s tender headed you feel like a monster every time you even think about washing or combing it. If you’re a parent considering putting a relaxer in your child’s hair, make sure you can answer these questions first.
1. Did she ask for it?
If your child isn’t old enough to recognize the difference between relaxed and natural hair, if she hasn’t had a chance to come to terms with her hair as it grows out of her head, you may want to give her the chance to know that part of herself before you chemically alter her hair. It takes longer to make the transition back to her natural state once a relaxer has been introduced.
2. Do you know your daughter’s hair type?
If you decide to give her a perm, how often will she need it done. Does she have the type of hair that needs to be touched up once every four weeks or less than that? Is her hair sensitive to change, does it break easily? These are questions you’ll need to answer before you decide to process her hair. Even if you know the answers to these questions, a relaxer will change the structure of her hair and it may behave completely differently.
3. Can you afford to have it professionally done?
If you aren’t sure that you’ll be able to consistently have your child’s hair touched up, this definitely isn’t the solution. The key to maintaining healthy, relaxed hair is keeping a routine. If things come up and you have to cut back in some areas will your child’s hair be one of those corners you cut?
4. Are you the type that invests emotionally in hair?
Even after you’ve weighed your options and made your decision, your daughter just might decide to abandon the relaxer when she comes of age. Are you the type of mother that will drop to the floor, clutching the strands of hair that have fallen from her head? If you decide to relax your daughter’s hair now, don’t be the mom who flips out if she decides to do something different when she gets older.
5. Have you considered her age?
These are strong chemicals we’re talking about here. I mean your beautician will be wearing gloves when she applies the relaxer to your daughter’s scalp so make sure she’s old enough and mature enough to let someone know if the process is burning or hurting.
6. Will her extracurricular activities get in the way?
Is your daughter the active, play in the rain, swim at the pool, run and get sweaty type? If she is, you might find yourself tired and stressed out when she walks through the door, hair askew. If your daughter’s thick, tangly tresses are what’s influencing your decision to relax, know that you might have to spend even more time now that she’s relaxed.
7. How will you explain potential breakage?
Not to say that breakage won’t occur if your daughter remains natural, it’s just very common with relaxed hair. If your daughter’s hair doesn’t take well to the perm how will you explain the breakage? What will you do if large patches of her hair comes out? Will this affect her self esteem? Again this is not a guarantee, but it’s something to consider just the same.
8. Have you found a child-friendly environment?
This same questions applies with whatever decision you decide to make for your child, whether it’s to remain natural, wear braids or get a relaxer. You want her to feel comfortable with her stylists. So much so, that she should be able to talk to her and her opinion and questions should be heard and respected.
9. Have you considered the alternatives?
There are more options that just relaxed or natural. If your daughter wants hair that swings you can flat iron it on occasion or even take it back old school and use a hot comb. If you need something that’s easy to manage consider braids, whether they’re extensions or her own hair, they will protect her hair from breakage. If she thinks relaxed hair is cuter and cooler show her some styles that don’t require a relaxer.
10. Consider your motivations?
Before you do something as drastic as putting chemicals in your child’s head, you should know why you’re doing it right? Is it because her hair has become too much to manage? Are you giving in to the pressures of your spouse or another family member? Make sure this is about what’s best for your daughter in the long run as opposed to a quick fix to your frustrations.
Did you get a relaxer before you were ready? How did that work out for you as you got older?
