Relationship Debate: ‘What Are Good Topics to Discuss on a First Date?’

March 9, 2011  |  

Dear China,

I get “brain freeze” on first and second dates sometimes and don’t know what to talk about. What are some tried and true topics that always work in the beginning of relationships?

Love Noggin

Dear Love Noggin,

Oh, it’s O.K. that you don’t know what to talk about on first and second dates…not every date has to be filled with words. Sometimes, it’s about that unspoken chemistry. Here’s what not to talk about: baggage from the past, your “checklist” that everyone you date must fulfill, your current drama, and pretty much anything that you should really reserve for someone you know well enough.

There’s no template for “what to talk about.” If I tell you to discuss sports since many men love sports, and the person you’re dating isn’t into sports, then you’ll be low-scoring there, buddy. Instead of approaching your dates with pre-arranged ideas of what you’re going to discuss, just approach them with an eagerness to explore.

That is, you’ll never run out of things to talk about, if you stay on the who-what-where-why and how path. Use those “tried-and-true” questions of “who/whom? what? why? where? and how?” to get to know your date. Hopefully as you ask your date those questions, e.g. “really? why did you give up sushi?” and “how did you build a whole car by yourself, or what made you even think to do something like that?” your date will ask you questions too.

It’s not a formal interview per se, but it is, or at least should be, an exploration. And, if you’ve ever explored anything before (e.g. your body, your health, your career, your thoughts), you know there are always questions you have in your mind to ask; there’s natural conversation there.

Et bon chance, cherie…
~ Madame C.

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