MadameNoire Featured Video

 

Before we start the conversation about submitting to one’s spouse I need to share something my dad told me about marriage a long time ago. He said, “You need to love your wife, take care of your wife, provide for her and if you are handling all your responsibilities as a husband and father then your wife should submit to you.… just don’t ever use the word, ‘submit’ when you’re talking to them.”

For some, my dad’s words either ring true or offensive, but let’s keep in mind when this instruction of submission was handed down it was given to us during a time when I’m not sure we could take anything men said all that seriously. It was a time when men technically owned everything they wanted to own and did some questionable things along the way too. My apologies if I offend anyone, but I feel slightly awkward taking instructions from men who owned women — multiple women — and didn’t really start moving towards gender equality for about 2,000 years later.

If we want to talk about the concepts that are trying to be conveyed under the umbrella of submission, it’s probably best we talk about the way a husband should submit to his wife in a very basic form. It’s the choice you make to love your wife that reflects your dedication to serving her every need. It’s important that we realize it’s a choice; not something to be forced or commanded. If submission was forced or spouses did it out of obligation then it wouldn’t be genuine. It would’t be an indication of how deeply you love your spouse, it would be a chore. From experience I can say that at first men don’t mind doing a chore but after a while if it isn’t based in something deeper, the interest will wane.

Without getting too much into gender roles in society, men have a duty to protect and provide. They also have to generally seek out their wife’s happiness. A wife won’t always be happy but a husband shouldn’t seek anything less. His submission is based in providing said needs without requiring any credit for it. It’s something he can do in the background and that doesn’t offer the option of taking days off. Above all else, there is a dedication to “execute” these duties and sustain his marriage.

There’s space to have a discourse on whether there is any real difference between a husband and a wife’s submission, but the reality is there’s a lot of crossover. As a mother and wife, a woman shouldn’t take days off from providing her partner and child’s needs either. For men, submission only seemingly looks different than it does for women, but the foundation is the same: a choice to love.

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN