Oh, how addictive getting tatted up can be.
When people tell me they want a new tattoo but aren’t sure of what to get, I always want to yell at them in dismay not to get one. Not because I’m against body art, but because when people get that craving to feel the needle against their skin, they usually come out of the parlor with a marking they’ll regret. Something spur of the moment. We can all agree there’s no need for you to have a tattoo of your own name. And while most small, hidden tattoos that catch people by surprise can be Hot, these days, spontaneous (basically stupid) designs end up too big to hide and the person ends up having to explain their body of work everytime it meets someone’s eye. So if you want to try out a new tattoo, I beg of you, check out the following failures in tattoo trends and avoid them at all costs.
(A couple of these pics are NSFW-ish)
T-Pain’s eloquent Facebook tattoo. Like?
Odes to Social Networking
Folks have been getting tattoos to profess their love of Facebook and Twitter on the low for a while now, but it really didn’t hit the hot mess meter until auto-tune master T-Pain made a defiant stance using Facebook’s “like” button and his arm. Ladies and gentlemen, remember MySpace? Social networking sites hold popularity for short amounts of time, and not saying that Facebook and Twitter won’t survive, but to have a permanent mark on your body, why choose a design of something that could be temporary? Is there someone out there with a Black Planet tattoo? Just imagine your future children asking what a Twitter is…
Photo courtesy of TattooArtists.org
Sexually Explicit Designs
Freak nasty tattoos aren’t a terrible thing, that is, if they are kept under wraps. But who wants to know about your fetishes and your fascination with rough sex when they meet you for the first time (men, don’t answer that question)? Lady in the streets, remember? Keep all tackiness to a minimum by having rendezvous’ with short-term Sharpie markers as opposed to everlasting tattoo needles.
Celebrity Stalker Tatts
Must be a sign of the times, cause I doubt back in the day when people ogled over celebrities they were rushing to have the person’s name or face marked on their body. But nowadays, providing support by buying an album, going to a concert or seeing a movie is no longer enough. Now you have to proclaim your love covered in “Team Breezy” and “Barbie” tattoos, and convert celeb signatures into designs on your anatomy. It’s a bit creepy. Especially if the chance of you meeting this person are slim to none.
Eye See You
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never understood why people want a second set of eyes on their body. Especially on your backside or on your chest! Duh, things stretch and sag eventually and those pair of eyes are going to wind up squinting at people passing by. Plus, they’re just eerie. Imagine trying to converse with someone and you’ve got a pair of fake eyes (and not the color of your own may I add) staring dead at you. Cheesy and freaky, spare us all the uncomfortable moments and leave that eye tattoo in sketch mode.
Mizpelled Frases
As the saying goes, “The dictionary is very necessary.” Don’t let people fool you when they say a tattoo error is on purpose. Either you’re foolish for letting someone put a permanent mistake on you for laughs, or you’re foolish for not making sure the tattoo artist knew how to spell the word in the first place. Error-rific tatts are a lose lose situation no matter what. And if you do find yourself with one on accident, keep that mess to yourself, unlike our friends up top.
Derriere Designs
Your behind is a good place to have and hide a tattoo. Something tiny like cheeky lips or a small apple can be okay, but a whole rotten apple on your backside is not where it’s at. Neither are tattoos that cover the whole cheek with lyrics that objectify you as a woman. Yes, we can all agree that we’ve bobbed our head just a little bit to Travis Porter’s “Make It Rain,” but a dedication to it on your hind parts?? Never that.
Soup Cooler Tattoos
Not sure who started this trend of tattooing the inside of your body, but if we’re going to have to see tatts that say “2PAC” on your lips, then it’s best that we put a halt to the practice. For one, lip tattoos are pointless. They usually fade quicker than black denim (so you better get a discount!) at one to five years because your body will absorb the pigment. And to redo the tattoo over and over is too expensive and even more pointless. I guess the only benefit you could say there is, is that no one has to know if you have the tattoo unless you choose to show it off. If so, please make sure your teeth are brushed beforehand.
Logos are No-Go’s
Look at it like this: Is Louis Vuitton paying your bills? Is Gucci putting you through school? No? Well if not, then why are you sacrificing your skin for a brand? As these pictures should show you, just because Louis Vuitton insignia looks good on a leather bag and trunk doesn’t mean it’s going to translate well on your body. I know we’re all a bit materialistic, but this is waaaay overboard. Do better.
The original “Brrr” ice cream face tattoo on Gucci Mane.
Face Tattoos
If you get a face tattoo, let’s hope you own your own business or work for your mother or someone close, because you will not get a job with one whole side of your face covered in nonsense. Only Gucci Mane could get away with something like this (and he barely did) because we don’t expect much from the MC. But as a woman, a facial tattoo lacks femininity and makes you look hard. And crazy too. We’re hoping baby girl’s tattoo is fake.
Have you ever seen an epic fail for a tat? Describe It!
