Breakups are hard to deal with, especially if you discovered that your significant other was unfaithful. Add children to the mix and it can be especially heartbreaking for everyone involved. But what happens when the mistress your man cheated on you with now becomes the stepmother to the children you share? I’m no expert in these things, but it seems like the woman scorned might just be ready to cut somebody!
Most mothers are very protective of their children and want to shield them from anyone they deem “undesirable” being around their children, so it would be no surprise that she’d want to keep her kids away from the homewrecker who was sleeping with her husband. And I can’t say that I’d blame her. After all, if she had no problem sleeping with a taken man, then what kind of morals could a woman like that have? And one would certainly not want a woman like that to have any influence over her children. You’d also hope that your ex and father of your children would know better than to have a trifling woman around your kids – although he probably wouldn’t be held in the highest regard either. While you can’t help who your cheating, low-life ex marries after a breakup or divorce, you can decide to handle the situation in a mature way and try to make the transition as easy as possible for your kids.
If they know about their father’s infidelity and that his new wife is the cause of their family’s breakup, you may have to work doubly hard to ensure that they continue to have a good relationship with their father. The best thing you can do in this case is to simply be there for them. Listen to them – their anger, their frustrations, worries and fears. They may not feel comfortable discussing their feelings with their father, so make sure to always be available for them to vent. And if there is something they have an issue with, offer to discuss it with their father for them. This way they won’t feel like they’re caught in the middle or need to pick sides. As the adult you should be able to effectively convey their feelings for them if they’re too young to do it themselves.
When dealing with their father, express to him how the children feel and ask that he not try to “force” his new wife on them – whether they know the details of the situation or not. Some children have a hard time dealing with a step-parent period, let alone one they view as a home wrecker. Until everyone can get along peacefully and get to know one another, advise your ex that he should only deal with you when it comes to the kids – no one else.
As far as his mistress-turned wife is concerned, try your best to get along with her. I know that is the LAST thing you want to do – besides drag her through the street – but for the sake of the kids, it’s best that they always view you in a positive light. You don’t have to like her, but you want your kids to see you as a perfect example of how to be the bigger person. If they see that you can put everything past you and move on, they may be able to have a better relationship with their father rather than resent him…and his new wife. I know it’ll be hard, but it will only make you stronger.
Lastly, just be sure to show your children as much love as possible and remind them that no matter what happened between you and their father, they are the priority. If you focus on your kids rather than the other woman, you’ll find that your kids will love and respect you more for not taking out any anger or frustration you feel on them, or using them as pawns in order to hurt their father. The best thing you can do is make them feel safe in a time when their lives are turned upside down. If this woman will be in their lives for better or for worse, it’s your job to build your relationship with them so that they know that no matter what, you’ll always be there for them…and in return they’ll also be there for you.