Recently it was reported that actor George Clooney – the bachelor who claimed he’d never get married again – is engaged to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. After dating such women as Elisabetta Canalis and Stacy Keibler (both for about two years) , the serial monogamist has finally seemed to find the one that made him change his long-held stance on marriage. Some are saying it’s because he’s found his equal. Some say it’s because he’s getting old and doesn’t want to die alone. Maybe he wants children and feels she’s a suitable woman to be the mother of his offspring. Maybe she’s not with him to further her acting career. The reasons why he chose Amal and not the other women he’s dated are anyone’s guess, but if you are with a man who says he never wants to get married, don’t be fooled by the George Clooney’s of the world. Chances are if he says it, he really means it.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to rain on any romantic’s parade. Yes, there are men out there who claim they’ll never get married, only to find someone whom they can’t live without. But how often does that happen? Usually men who take that stance have either been married before and don’t wish to go down that road again, or just have never seen themselves as the marrying kind. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If a man is honest enough to tell you from the beginning that he doesn’t ever want to get married, you should consider his honesty a gift and keep it moving. Unless of course, you have no interest in getting married yourself. If that’s the case, you can date the man until you decide you don’t want to date him anymore. After all, there’s nothing wrong with being in a fun, mutually satisfying relationship that doesn’t end in marriage. You two can date each other for a few months – or even a few years – knowing that what you two share is an understanding to love and respect each other for a season, and then move on.
But if you want to get married, then you shouldn’t waste your time with a man who says he doesn’t want to because you think you can change his mind. No matter how awesome you think you are – and I’m sure you are – it won’t matter to a man who simply has no desire to commit to one person for the rest of his life. It just won’t happen. You may think that if you put in the work for a year, two years…maybe three, eventually he’ll come around, open his eyes, and suddenly discover that you’re the one. And it could happen…in Fantasy Land. But chances are it won’t happen that way for you.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’ve dated a guy who said he never wanted to get married only for him to marry the next chick that came along after you. Yes, I get it – it’s a hurt piece. But what you have to understand is in that case, when he told you he didn’t want to get married, what he really meant to say was that he didn’t want to get married…to you. I know. it sucks.
When a man says he doesn’t want to get married, what you really need to do is either read between the lines, or have a real conversation with him about his reasons for not wanting to jump the broom. If he doesn’t believe in monogamy, or the institution itself, or gives you some other deep reason why marriage isn’t for him, then he probably really doesn’t want to get married. But if he gives you what you perceive to be vague answers that really have nothing to do with the price of tea in China, or doesn’t give you any reasons at all, then chances are he just doesn’t see you as being his wife one day.
Either way, you can’t change his mind – nor should you try to. Again, if you don’t mind casually dating a guy until your true Prince Charming comes along, then go for it. But if you want to settle down, protect your heart – and don’t waste your time – and thank him for giving you the honesty you deserve. It’s better than him stringing you along, and if he can’t get you on the red carpet, a yacht in Italy or a stint on Dancing With the Stars – then why bother?
