Q: Dear “Single Girl” Guru,

I’ve just met a guy and he’s incredibly sweet. I haven’t dated for years, because I was so heartbroken over what other men had done, and I’m raising my two children alone. Now that I’m healed, happy and ready to date: I think I might have hit the jackpot with this lovely new man. We’ve kissed and all, but we haven’t yet had sex. I’ve been seeing him for two months, but I swear, he might be the one. How long do you think we should wait before I bust out the Hot, new thong ;-)?


Hot & Heavy

A: Dear “Hot & Heavy,”

If you haven’t had sex with him yet: good. Don’t. Keep DATING. Let him take you out. NO coming over to the house and letting it be house-house-house all the time. Arrange dates at the bookstore, the museum, a charity fair…go play golf, go dancing, go to a poetry reading, or a psychic reading…go to a college football game or go watch soccer at the field, maybe even try hockey, but in the name of Gagalapooka, please don’t allow his “dating” you to become one of you coming over to the other’s house. Let him be your friend, seriously. I keep repeating this mantra, because the best way to do this “dating” thing, is to build a strong friendship underneath it.

Thong is WRONG! Let me tell ya…if you like him and wait till say, April, it’ll pay off like ten times more than if you don’t. There’s just something about having sex too soon that guarantees the failure of a relationship…unless the two people have been friends for years before and then they suddenly become lovers…or unless by some miracle, it doesn’t. The moment you start having sex too soon, or spending too much time at each other’s house (i.e. not literally going out, meeting OUT, dining OUT, doing things OUT of the house), you can just kiss the ooziness you’re feeling now goodbye. One thing about relationships is that they are just like children, to be nurtured, and they must follow the growth pattern of every newborn. You can’t skip to sex after a week or a month…just like you can’t expect a two-month old to rip up some steak. Now, of course, steak is good and your friends will tell you: “do you, eat some steak, girl, cos you is grown.” But, while you are grown and he is grown, the relationship is still a child. That’s how you should think of relationships now…as children themselves. So, don’t go popping juicy steak in a newborn’s mouth. If you wait till that newborn becomes strong, grows some teeth and is an adult who’s ready to swallow (get your mind out the damn gutter)…you will see just how juicy that steak will be…and how much more probable that your relationship will LAST…in a healthy way.

Need love advice from the love guru? Send your questions to editors@madamenoire.com with the subject: RELATIONSHIP DEBATE.

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