Why Many Women Don’t Want Their Child Around The Father’s New Girlfriend And How To Handle It Maturely

April 8, 2014  |  

So here’s the scenario: You and the father of your child are no longer in an intimate or formal relationship with each other, but the two of you have no choice but to be involved with one another because you have the responsibility of parenting a child. All is well with your newfound relationship with each other as parents and you’ve both found yourselves getting along better than ever, but then, “it” happens: One of you has decided to engage in a new relationship and you want your child to meet your new mate. Now, most people would think that it wouldn’t be an issue if a person wanted to move on with their love life and have their child meet the new person, right? Unfortunately, that’s not the case with many women and men. And often for good reason, but sometimes, for silly reasons. So why is it an issue?

One reason is because the parent doesn’t know how the new partner will treat their child, or what type of influence they will have on them. In the case of women, any real mother wants the absolute best for her child or children, and before she allows her little or big one to meet their father’s new love interest, she wants to know something about the person and has every right to. This is important not only when meeting the father’s new mate, but also when meeting their child’s friends and more. Sending your child into uncharted territory without first scoping out the scene is not something any parent should do, no matter what.

Another big reason is because they think their child, or kids, will like the other woman a little too much. I know this sounds a bit childish and even a little crazy, but many women subconsciously believe this to be true and don’t want the new woman in the picture to overstep her boundaries. Why? Because when a woman is blessed enough to bring a child into the world, the mere thought of losing them to anyone or anything brings about an unbridled selfishness and fear of being replaced because of the bond between a mother and child that starts in the womb. However, the truth of the matter is that a woman who has been a real mother to her child will never be replaced in their heart, no matter who the father brings about.

And the number one reason many women have an issue with another woman being around their child is because sometimes they’re not over the father. Getting over a man you’ve had an intimate relationship with is a hard thing to do, but getting over a relationship with a guy when you’ve risked your life and had a child with him is much harder. And truth be told, a majority of women want the relationship between themselves and the father of their child to work so they can be a family and live happily ever after, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case. So ladies, how do you handle or deal with another woman coming into your child’s life? By keeping these things in mind:

Be secure in your relationship with your child.

If you’re doing what you’re supposed to in order to build a bond and mold your child in the manner in which they should go, relax and keep being the best mom you can be.

Communicate effectively with your parenting partner.

Respectfully let him know that you would either like to meet his new love interest before your child does, or know that the relationship is serious before the new girlfriend is introduced to your child. This is important for everyone involved because it’s the responsibility of both parents to prepare children for as much as they can in life. By introducing the new boo to mom in advance, she can positively prepare her child for meeting them if she’s mature enough to do so. This can also provide an opportunity for mom to have a woman-to-woman discussion about how the child is being raised and establish expectations for everyone to agree on for the sake of the kid involved.

If you still have feelings for him, try your best to get past them.

This won’t be easy, but it’s a must for your sanity and your child.

The game of love, sex and life is never easy when two people are involved, but when a child is involved, things can really get different because of the uncertainties along the way. However, putting aside differences and handling things maturely when one party or even both decide to move forward is very doable, and a good move for your child.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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