I, for the life of me, cannot understand how a woman ever finds herself in this predicament. If marriage is the ultimate goal and a man doesn’t seem to be interested in marriage, it puzzles me why a woman won’t just pack up and leave. Yes, this is most certainly one of those “easier said than done” situations, but I mostly find that to be a convenient excuse not to make the tough decision. Often times women declare reasons for staying like “I’ve invested so much time in this relationship I don’t want to start over now” or “I don’t want to walk away from him now and then he marries the next chick that comes along.” But if a woman wants to be married and has waited 10 (or more) years in hopes of eventually being married to that man, it’s probably not going to happen.
Men tend to carry the most blame when situations like this are queued up for discussion. Instead of empowering women, men are looked to be “wasting a woman’s time” or “too immature to settle down.” Granted, those viewpoints are likely an accurate description, I’m not exactly a fan of leaving personal, life-altering decisions in the hands of other people. If a woman is dating a man for 10 years (or more), she has every right to ask that man if marriage is on the table. Ideally, she’d ask before a decade of her life passes by, but at some point the question needs to be asked. Where women tend to make their mistake is by not making it clear at some point during the relationship what it is they want and what it is they’re looking for. People, in general, seem to think there’s something wrong with setting up guidelines from day one and making people adhere to those guidelines. Suffice it to say, if a woman makes it plain from the outset what is acceptable in how she’s being treated, it becomes much easier to determine when to work with someone and when to walk away.
At some point during the relationship, things are going to go from “OK, we’re together and this is great” to “I think I want to be his wife and the mother his child(ren).” It doesn’t matter when a woman hits that point, but it matters what happens next. I’m of the mind that since women who want to get married see it as an important milestone in their life, it’d behoove them to make their feelings about that known upfront. A simple “hey, I’m not interested in dating long term without the potential of marriage in the future so if it’s something you don’t see yourself interested in doing then it’s probably best if we split ways” works wonders. Women often opt not to do this because they don’t want to be seen as if they’re being too forward or they’re going to scare the guy away. Two things here, ladies. One, this is your life. Take control of it. If you want something from somebody, you have to say so because, contrary to popular belief, men don’t read minds. Secondly, if a man is scared of you wanting to be married at some point during your lifetime and runs away, he did you a favor. Better for him to run away now than to waste 10 (or more) years of your life keeping you in a perpetual state of limbo. Limbo sucks.
If a man makes a woman wait that long to marry her it could mean a variety of things. All of the married men I know said they knew very early it was on the agenda and they simply wanted to make sure they weren’t wrong in their assessment. Meaning, it didn’t take them 10 (or more) years to figure it out. There’s a chance he might not value marriage, a chance he might not see you as the marrying type, a chance he might be too afraid to make the jump because he doesn’t think the relationship is strong enough to last, or (and this is very possible) you never said anything about wanting to be married so he didn’t think about it either. So ladies, if you want to get married, speak up. If you waited 10 years (and you’re not okay with it) you’re just as much to blame as he is. If you made your feelings known from jump and he seems to be dragging his feet, it’s not that he’s not the marrying type. He (in all likelihood) just doesn’t want to marry you.
Peace.
