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How many times in our lives have we met a guy who had an awesome personality, a great smile, was a man of impeccable character, worked hard, was honest, and so on and so forth? Not too many times right? Or if we have come across a man such as this, how many times on this journey called life have we passed up or missed the chance of having a relationship with them because of petty reasons and expectations? You know the reasons: His car doesn’t measure up to your standards; he doesn’t have the job you think he should have; you disagree with some of his habits that make him the person he is. Why do we do this? Because growing up, and even when we’re grown and still growing, we’re taught to look at the things a man has and sum up his character versus looking at a man’s character first and focusing on who he is. And what’s the deal with our focus being from the outside in, rather than the inside out?
One, we often have preconceived notions about who we think a person is, and how we want the person to be before we even get to know them, and we have the tendency to put superficial expectations on them.
Lets look at the first reason. When a woman sees an attractive man, she instantly starts wondering about his potential. What he does for a living, what kind of car he drives, and more. Then she creates a person in her mind based simply on the way he looks using vivid thoughts of what and who she wants him to be. But when or if the time comes, when she actually meets the attractive man, starts spending time with him and he doesn’t live up to the expectations of her imagination or dreams, she walks away from him without giving him a realistic chance. Sounds unfair doesn’t it?
Setting superficial standards is something that both men and women do more often than not. This reason goes hand-in-hand with having preconceived notions about a person. While that begins with what a person expects from another, setting superficial standards for what you want in someone for personal gain or bragging rights is petty within itself, especially if you don’t even live up to similar expectations. And once again, when that person doesn’t meet the expectation, they become a distant memory without valid cause.
In order to avoid ending a good thing with a great guy for petty reasons, one must keep these simple things in mind: When you first meet a guy, turn your imagination and expectations off. Why? Because this will give you a chance to learn about who he is and give him the chance to actually show you who he is. Next, close your materialistic eye and open your spiritual eyes. This will take your focus off of the 401k, car, home, clothes, etc., and allow you to actually see his personality. Third, once you’ve actually taken the time to grasp an understanding of who you’re dealing with, make a wise and conscious decision to accept the person for who they are and who they’re not. Last but definitely not least, before you pass judgment on a man and write him off like a bad check, be sure to evaluate and look at your reasoning for doing so and ask yourself is the reason you’re choosing to dismiss a guy worth it. The frivolous thing you may be evaluating someone else on, could be the same thing you may be measured by in the near future and not like. Not only that, but you want to be sure that you’re not a superficial sistah passing up a blessing that’s standing right before your eyes.
The next time you meet a man who makes you laugh without thinking, puts a smile on your face just from the simple thought of him, or gives you that warm feeling inside every time you’re near him, forget the small things that may be holding you back from enjoying him. While you might be focusing on the small parts of him that make him who he is, another woman may be waiting in the wings looking at the entire view.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin
