Someone once said, “there’s always something with a man,” meaning he has some kind of setback. It can be anything large or small from being messy to having irresponsible spending habits. But what if his problem has a third party? Do you flee or just accept his fault?
Talking with girlfriends about the Tigers and Tikis of the dating world, there’s never really a divide. The majority of the group always believes leaving the relationship is always the right choice. The stubborn fighter that I am, I usually disagree.
According to findings of marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, one in 2.7 men will cheat– and most of their wives will never know. A counselor for 20 years, Neuman said in an interview with Oprah Winfrey, “It’s not about blaming the wife. It can’t be. I mean, cheating is ridiculous. It’s wrong. And you can’t justify it.”
He said his book, The Truth About Cheating, “[is] really about empowering women. If I can give you knowledge that says that if you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to a better place, that will be much better for you as well because it’s not just about stopping tragedy. It’s about building a much more mutually beneficial relationship.”
I sat down with Georgia Goslee Esq., a Maryland-based lawyer/TV commentator, for her thoughts on cheating. “The take away from this is: When your man cheats, please know that it has nothing to do with who you are, what you have not done or particularly how you are looking these days, even though that can play a part. Men cheat because they can, because all of their lives they have ‘hunted’. Once they’ve bed or wed you, their nature does not disappear. Most men separate sex from love and can have sex and it not mean anything of value, where women typically equate emotion and sex with love.”
Her experience of over thirty years has led her to a J.D. degree, living in three different countries, being a wife, a mother, and even a mistress (one time). She’s also represented the legal interests of hundreds of spouses seeking divorce.
Despite infidelities Goslee thinks, “ Women should love their men, enjoy life, and if he cheats pause, and think about it. Be careful listening to other people and decide what makes you happy, but never simply overlook it and accept him back with loving arms until you have that discussion that creates a real understanding about how and where the two of you go from here.”
“It doesn’t hurt so much if you have perhaps enjoyed a genuine experience yourself. Not encouraging anything, but life is short, so don’t deny yourself, because they sure don’t.”
And as far as dealing with the other woman? Her solution, “Instead of being vengeful and hateful toward the other women, the bigger picture is to have humility and show kindness.”
The solution isn’t to stay in a bad situation if you’re not comfortable. Doing what makes you able to sleep at night is the right choice. Women should just be more aware of the worst possible outcomes of a relationship and make decisions lest people’s opinions. At the end of the day, it’s two people in a relationship, just two.