#HoesBeWinning? One Man’s Take On Why Mistresses Will Never Prosper
By Kevin L. Clark
As anyone can attest to, the dating game in Any City, U.S.A. can be quite hard and strenuous. You have to feel out the person, make sure their life (and credit score) is straight, and ensure that they are capable of holding your heart without giving you an STD. As a recently engaged man, I’m not one of those guys who will sit there and pretend to not like everything his helpmate loves on television, like BET’s Being Mary Jane. The series is one of those must-watch, guilty pleasure shows that I like to watch because it allows my soon-to-be wife and I to communicate our thoughts about being forever committed – and be grateful we don’t have that type of single drama.
For those just tuning in, Gabrielle Union plays Mary Jane Paul, a career woman and proud mistress who, in last week’s episode explained to her not-so-secret lover’s wife and fellow comrades the benefits of being number two over holding the number one spot. “The job of any great No. 2 is to figure out what No. 1 is missing, what they refused to see and what they are doing wrong,” Mary Jane says. “You will get to where you’re supposed to be if you do the work,” she said. If you’ve been reading the gossip since the start of the new year, it seems like the mistress revolution has bubbled over and exploded in 2014. After the ball dropped, so did news that both Dwyane Wade and Ludacris were the proud parents of secret babies. Both men have women who are exemplary in range, taste and levels of individual success, yet that didn’t stop them from doing-the-do at all. It is almost as if the taboo of being “the side chick” is dying in favor of becoming a culturally accepted norm.
From all forms of popular media, the signal is coming in loud and clear that every woman should explore the option of being a man’s mistress. Which leads me to my breakdown of why that thinking will set you on the path to sheer and utter failure.
1. You’ll Never Prosper — The truth is, whether or not one believes they have the perfect snapper to make any man weak in his knees, a man will never sacrifice his wife for a good time girl. As history has shown us with Presidents of the United States, legendary activists and artists, and even bummy-looking guys on The Maury Show, the man who atones for his sins shall not lose his family (or at least have to by some serious bling, right Kobe?).
2. You’re Not An “IT” Girl — You have a great physique, yet no brain power. You have incredible skills in the bed, but can’t cook. You get on your knees whenever the spirit moves, yet you don’t believe in the Creator. Most men define “it” differently, but rest assured that “it” is certainly a requirement when looking for a wife. While you, as the mistress, attempt to convince him into thinking that you’re the one, the man more than already likely knows just what it is you’re missing and keeps you on the side because of it.
3. You Feel Entitled To The Title Of ‘Mrs.’ — Most men won’t leave their wives for some fresh snapper (unless you’re Woody Allen). This leaves the mistress in a fantasy world believing that whatever it is that has their lover hooked will make him leave his current situation to be with them. If they don’t get your way, most mistresses go for public shaming (i.e. gossip, writing books, or outing through social media) to force their lover’s hand. This also won’t work because the definition of a mistress or side chick is to be secondary, a bit player who loves or sexes on the second / third / fourth rung in a man’s life. Basically, a man would not make the extra biscuit in a Popeye’s meal his main course just because it agrees with his fat boy flow.
4. You Can’t Keep A Man In Real Life — There is a fine line between satisfying a man’s urges and cultivating a man’s essence. A wife does the latter and a mistress attempts to do the former. While the notable ones (Superhead, Kat Stacks, etc.) can get their lives paid for, the truth is most men know there is something unstable in your world which leaves you unable to keep a man in the first place. Either the way the mistress and the man hooked up was fast, furious and debauchery-filled, or the man knew what buttons to push — those are red flag signs which tell the man that the mistress isn’t worth much more than hard dink and a bus pass.
Although on the show, Mary Jane offers her words under the premise of career advice, there’s simply no way that a man who is engaging in this type of behavior would ever walk down the aisle (let alone the red carpet) with someone who is only number two, three, four or five in his life. Don’t ever forget that.
To watch clips and past episodes of “Being Mary Jane” visit 24WiredTv.
Kevin L. Clark is a freelance writer and founder of Fresh Thinking Media Group and Don’t Lose Your Day Job.