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I’m a pretty ambitious person.  I have a Pinterest “Inspiration” board that’s filled with quotes about chasing your dreams and persevering in the face of despair.  I practice what I post: “I write. I travel. I try to change the world.”  So I’m used to having my share of jealous people who’d rather waste their energy discrediting my success than creating some of their own.  I’ve witnessed my fair share of frenemies and fairweather friends, but one thing I can never seem to get used to is dating men that seemed to resent my success.

Whenever I landed a dream job or got a promotion, the first person I always wanted to share my happiness with is the person I laid my head next to every night.  But I can’t get over the number of guys I’ve dated who as soon as I had some good news to share, met me with dismissal as they casually reminded me of their annual salary or made a comment downplaying how my success was pure luck, because it couldn’t possibly be through any skill of my own.

I understand men thrive off of competition and ego.  In fact in the study, Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner’s Success or Failure, showed that when the women examined experienced a certain level of social, financial or academic success, the self-esteem of their male partners almost always plummeted.  Ironically, when their male partner experienced any kind of success, women’s self-esteem was usually unaffected.

With so many strangers waiting to sabotage you in this rat race of life, the last person I want to compete against is my own teammate.  Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are days when Barack looks at Michelle like, “I just revolutionized the state of healthcare as we know it and you’re on the front page news because of your ‘State of the Union Style’?”.  But if a man is emasculated because his right hand compliments his “fly”, that sounds like a personal problem to me.  Here are 11 signs your biggest hater might be your boo:

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