From Single Black Male
A little over a week ago I participated in a panel discussion about Love, Cheating and #Scandal. There was a great crowd and the conversation was enjoyable. I’m not going to rehash that because truth be told, y’all should have came to the event; I even posted about it on the blog. Anyway… there was one point where someone shared their reasons for staying with a cheater and it came down to this feeling that she didn’t feel she could do any better or that she was with the person that she deserved. That made a lot of the men there sad, myself included.
But you know what? Her story really isn’t the only story like that. It happens to men too. Men stay in relationships with women that they will admit are “crazy” or “not all that smart” or “annoying” because they are literally convinced they can’t do any better. They’ll put looks over everything and anytime someone questions their decision to stay they answer… “She bad tho.” Bad meaning good, but only relegated to her aesthetically good parts.
I been there before; I’ve sat with those demons and I’ve had to deal with those thoughts and worries. Could I really ever do better than this girl who is my now Ex? When you’re just coming out of a breakup and you’re sure that you don’t have an ounce of chance to get back with that person you hit that rock bottom point. That point where you’re most likely going to try and convince yourself that you just need more time or that you’re just fine being single but in reality it’s the fear that you can’t do better than your ex that’s holding you back.
Somebody at the event last Wednesday brought this up but he really summed it up, you can never really allow yourself to think that you can’t do better. You have to have the power to think that if that last option was the very best that you could do then you probably would be with them. (Disclaimer: If you realize that that was the best option for you, then you best do your best to get back right.) However, once you’ve made that decision to move on past your last relationship, you’ve got to get the quan in your heart that you’re going to do better.
Have you ever been in this situation? Read on for more insight at SingleBlackMale.org
