Look And Ye Shall Find: Is Snooping Justified In A Relationship?

November 17, 2013  |  

Let me put this out there: I don’t think men and women should make it habit to snoop through their partner’s belongings. With that being said, I’d be lying if I said I’ve never done it. I can admit to meddling and even though it wasn’t my finest moment, I still don’t feel guilty. Why? Because when I did take a peek at my man’s phone (he’s an ex now), I always found an incriminating piece of evidence. As a matter of fact, most women I know who have gone through their partner’s phones or emails have said the same thing: they’ve found signs of cheating. The conclusion that I’ve come up with is simply this: if you’re looking, you already suspect something ain’t right, so snooping helps you to confirm what you’ve been thinking. But does that make it right?

Most women have a sixth sense with these things, that gut feeling when something is wrong. I’d even venture to say that some men have it too. Some behavior doesn’t require either gender to have secret powers of intuition; if your boo is taking his or her phone with them everywhere they go, and sleeps with it under the pillow, chances are something is up.

But does that behavior give you probable cause to find out for yourself what’s really going on? Or, should you simply deduce from their behavior that something is off and you don’t need the evidence?

Let’s say you are messing around on your girl or your man and they find damning evidence – is it still wrong for them to have gone through your stuff…even if you’re guilty? I had a guy friend break up with his girlfriend on the spot when she confronted him about emails and text messages she found. He said she couldn’t be trusted. He told her she had found the evidence “a different way” (even though I don’t see how else she could have), then he would be wrong. But because it was an “illegal search,” all incriminating evidence was “inadmissible. He was cheating and still tried to turn it around on her.

Clearly he had been watching too much Law & Order, but he successfully flipped the script and left her feeling like she was a terrible person for invading his privacy. To this day, he still insists he wasn’t at fault.

So what is a person to do if they suspect infidelity but can’t get access to or doesn’t want to go through someone’s things? Simple: trust your instincts. Usually it won’t steer you wrong, and the feelings you’re having are usually brought on by something.

Now, if you’re a naturally insecure person who has trust and self-esteem issues, maybe you could be paranoid. But if your mate all of a sudden keeps better tabs on his cell than the CIA, noticeably changes their behavior, the way they dress, how you have sex, etc., chances are they ARE doing something wrong, That might be all you need to decide your next steps in the relationship. Not all guilt requires evidence or a confession; sometimes, your gut is enough.

If you’re someone who just needs to see or find out for yourself, be prepared to do something with the evidence you find because you will likely find it. In the event you have to confront someone, be ready to for them to try to flip it on you and call you out for going through their things. If you plan on ending the relationship, then you probably don’t care if they do all those things anyway. They will either try to make it your fault, or try to lie to get out of it – all of which means nothing if you’re ready to bounce.

Personally, I’ve learned that everything that’s done in the dark will eventually come to the light. But I also understand that a person may view snooping as God’s way of providing that light a little sooner rather than later. How you get to that truth is a matter of personal morals or ethics, but when that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach keeps growing stronger and stronger, it’s hard to resist the urge to find out if there’s some betrayal going on.

Is snooping justified, especially if you have a strong suspicion your mate is cheating? Or, is it wrong no matter what your gut is telling you?

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