10 Actors Who Could Replace Idris Elba As Our Collective Man Crush

The story about Elba’s new…erm, relationship status had me ’bout ready to sing “At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side…

Seriously, that was my dude. If my degrees couldn’t keep me warm at night, the vivid thoughts and imaginations of him doing nasty stuff to me, kept me pretty cozy and entertained in those witching hours. But in the immortal words of the great black capitalist Jay “hyphen no more” Z, it is time to move on to the next one. That’s right. The ride on the Elba chocolate polar bear express has reached its final stop and he done kicked us off. Now there is nothing left for us ladies to do but move on in search of new, undiscovered terrains – particularly ones with less impending baby momma drama. I know it is tough. But look on the bright side: we don’t have to pretend to like all of his films any more. I swear I’m not bitter…

Anyway, a freaky older play aunt once told me that the best way to get over a man is under a new one. And since there is a vacancy in the sex dream department for a chocolate brown, “exotic” thespian, I figured now is a good time to begin our search for a replacement. (Sorry fellas, the roles of fine sports player; fine thug rapper; fine college professor; fine and heavy-bag helping stranger and fine dog walker have already been filled. But you can leave your resume and we’ll be sure to keep it on file). I have scoured the world, aka the internet, to find use the crème de la crème of tall, dark and fine with international flavor and hopefully a foreign accent. While finding someone, who met all the criteria I am happy to report I have found a Top Ten list of Elba replacements. And the applicants are as follows.

Lance Gross

Origins: The good ole’ Red, White and Blue

Most Recognizable Roles: Anything made by Tyler Perry, which doesn’t have Madea in it.

What Makes Him a Good Elba- Replacement: Think of Gross as carob; he is sweet, dark, rich and chocolatey flavor just like Elba but he is also a very wholesome guy, which makes him like real chocolate but without the sin and calories…Ah Hell, what I’m trying to say is he is fine too.

Gbenga Akinnagbe

Origin: United States by way of Nigerian parents

Most Recognizable Roles: Obvious answer is playing the ruthless killer with a heart of gold Chris Paltrow on the much beloved and critically acclaimed HBO series “The Wire.” But he has been in a gang of other television and film stuff too including the television shows: “Damages”; “Barbershop”; “Graceland” and “The Good Wife”; and the film remake of The Taking of Pelham 123.

What Makes Him a Good Elba Replacement: In addition to being an accomplished actor, who is also very easy on the eyes, Akinnagbe also freelance writes editorials for the New York Times as well as other international publications. For those doing the math, that means he is talented, fine and smart too. Sounds like a major contender if you ask me.

Ger Duany

Origins: South Sudan

Most Recognizable Roles: Stephen Nimieri in one of my favorite existentialist comedies I Heart Huckabees;  Restless City.

What Makes Him a Good Elba Replacement: Besides being tall, dark and very handsome (seriously try not to droll over his piercing brown eyes in this IMDB pic) he also has an amazing story of survival (being a former child soldier in the Second Sudanese Civil War turned refugee in Ethiopia turned model and eventually actor in Hollywood), which makes even the most cool-hearted sistas wanna breakdown and fall in love with this dude.

Nonso Anozie

Origins: United Kingdom (by way of Nigerian parents)

Most Recognizable Roles: Xaro Xhoan Daxos on The Game of Thrones; Samson in The Bible the mini-series; and R.M. Renfield on Dracula.

What Makes Him A Good Elba Replacement: Listen he is not all svelte like Elba or the other contenders on the list but the winter months are upon us, which also means that Netflix and verging out on the couch to some mint chocolate chip ice cream season is also on deck. And who wouldn’t want to cuddle up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and their own personal teddy bear?

Jim Iyke

Origins: Libreville, Gabon by way of Nigeria (is anyone noticing a else trend here…)

Most Recognizable Roles: Just about every got-damn Nollywood film you had the pleasure of trying to watch while getting your hair braided

What Makes Him a good Elba Replacement: Appearing in hundreds of films (including my favorite Beyonce & Rihanna and the excellent followup: Beyonce & Rihanna), Iyke, born James Ikechukwu Esomugha, is like the Denzel Washington of Nigerian direct-to-DVD cinema. But more importantly, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head in the right direction, he does kind of, sort of, resemble Elba ( I think it’s in the eyes). Okay, I might be reaching. But he’s not a bad looking guy plus, if all the rumors of his recent unfortunate break from longtime Nollywood actress girlfriend are true, he certain does encompass that bad boy machismo we love so much about Elba.

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Origins: United Kingdom

Most Recognizable Roles: Simon Adebisi on the HBO series “Oz”; Mr. Eko on “Lost”; Heavy Duty in  G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra; Lock-Nah in The Mummy Returns, Nykwana Wombosi in The Bourne Identity, Algrim/Kurse in Thor: The Dark World…seriously this dude has a pretty extensive resume.

What Makes Him a Good Elba Replacement: Tall? Check. Fine? Yup. Chocolatey delicious? Hold on and let me check again…yes, that is an affirmative. Plus he speaks the Estuary English too. I think on a scale of 1 to Idris Elba, I think we have a definite, he can get it!

Dayo Okeniyi

Origins: Nigeria (I swear I’m not doing this purposely)

Most Recognizable Roles: Thresh in The Hunger Games.

What Makes Him a Good Elba Replacement: This dude is a straight up cutie patootie. Even fact, Okeniyi and his cherub cheeks are so cute, I had Google and double check his age to make sure we were legal here (He is). To paraphrase and re-conceptualize the sage words of Sweetie Brown, Ain’t Nobody Got Time for Jailbait.

Omar Sy

Origins: France (by way of Senegalese parents)

Most Recognizable Roles: Driss in The Intouchables; Bishop in the soon-to-be released X-Men: Days of Future Past.

What Makes Him a good Elba Replacement: Listen, I’m going to be honest here: it is damn hard to find 10 different ways of calling a man, fine. I don’t know how these street harassers do it? Anyway, I don’t speak French; most French films and their unfinished endings annoy me and if it ain’t French toast or French fries, well most French food I’m not checking for. But if it meant getting close to Mr. Sy here, you could call me Peppi Le Pew and sing to me “La Marseillaise.“

Rafael Zulu

Origins: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Most Recognizable Roles: While not recognizable in these Americas, Zulu is a pretty popular soap opera star in Brazil.

What Makes Him a good Elba Replacement: Because men are not the only ones with Hot Brazilian fantasies. And if not fluent in Brazilian Portuguese, imagine all the fun you can have while trying to learn it – on him.

Okay, these are the candidates. Let me know who you are trying to hire or fire as Elba’s replacement in the comment section below. Also have some other candidates in the international search for an Elba-replacement? Also be sure to leave that in the comment section below.