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The story about Elba’s new…erm, relationship status had me ’bout ready to sing At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side…

Seriously, that was my dude. If my degrees couldn’t keep me warm at night, the vivid thoughts and imaginations of him doing nasty stuff to me, kept me pretty cozy and entertained in those witching hours. But in the immortal words of the great black capitalist Jay “hyphen no more” Z, it is time to move on to the next one. That’s right. The ride on the Elba chocolate polar bear express has reached its final stop and he done kicked us off. Now there is nothing left for us ladies to do but move on in search of new, undiscovered terrains – particularly ones with less impending baby momma drama. I know it is tough. But look on the bright side: we don’t have to pretend to like all of his films any more. I swear I’m not bitter…

Anyway, a freaky older play aunt once told me that the best way to get over a man is under a new one. And since there is a vacancy in the sex dream department for a chocolate brown, “exotic” thespian, I figured now is a good time to begin our search for a replacement. (Sorry fellas, the roles of fine sports player; fine thug rapper; fine college professor; fine and heavy-bag helping stranger and fine dog walker have already been filled. But you can leave your resume and we’ll be sure to keep it on file). I have scoured the world, aka the internet, to find use the crème de la crème of tall, dark and fine with international flavor and hopefully a foreign accent. While finding someone, who met all the criteria I am happy to report I have found a Top Ten list of Elba replacements. And the applicants are as follows.

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