14 Reasons Women Can't Stand You At Nightclubs

Night clubs: 20% fun, 80% BS you have to navigate at every turn — 100% of which is brought on by the male patrons. Guys, please stop acting like this in the club.

Handing us drinks

It’s not cool when you just hand us a drink, unprovoked, before even speaking to us. We know what you’re doing: you’re trying to make us feel obligated to talk to you. The drink’s already paid for now! We didn’t even get the chance to say no when you asked if we wanted one, because you never did. This just forces us to awkwardly shake our heads at and back away from a perfectly good cocktail. We know it doesn’t come free…and we don’t know what you put in it.

Calling us over to your table

You got a table with bottle service? Good for you. That doesn’t mean we are all just dying to come sit with you. So you can sit back down: don’t stand on those half-circle couches, scoping out the room, and hollering at a group of us. We’re not obligated to come to your table.

Dancing without asking

It should be clear by now that we don’t like to be grinded up on by a stranger. But we’re also on to you guys who come up, salsa dancing, reaching out a hand, twirling us and pretending that for you, it’s all about the dance—that you just love to dance. Oh yeah? How come all of you still end up trying to cop a feel later? Sorry, if we don’t know you, and we didn’t explicitly agree to a dance with you, keep walking.

Trying to lift us onto tables

If we want to dance on a table, or next to the DJ on stage, or on the bar, we’ll get up there ourselves, thank you. When you try to hoist us up there, we know you’re just trying to get a special view from down below.

Saying you’re with us to get in

We know the nightclub scene is hard for guys if they’re not getting bottle service. But if you couldn’t round up any female companions of your own, don’t try to sneak into our group of eight girls to get into the club faster. That only means we get in slower!

Picking girls out of the line

These are the douchiest men at the club. The ones with the bottle service, who walk up and down the red rope, scoping out women, and eventually pointing, “You” when they’ve selected ones “fine enough” to come along to their table. Um…we didn’t sign up for a modeling audition.

Trying to get alone time

This is no place to ask what I do for a living, or try to get into a deep conversation. We’re having to scream just to be heard, and quite frankly, we came here to dance with our friends. Try to make the night fun for us, and get in any real conversation outside the club when it’s closed.

Eyeing us down from the bar

This guy is unbearable: the one who is pretending that he is too good to even make an effort. All he has to do is lean with his back against the bar, sipping a drink, and eyeing every woman a little too long with a raised eyebrow and an expression that says, “I know a secret about you.” No, you don’t. You’re not mysterious; you’re creepy. Come talk to us like a normal human being.

Sending someone to get us

What is this, the kindergarten playground? Do you really think you’re so powerful all because you have a table that you get to send a friend or even worse a server to come tell us, “That gentleman thinks you’re hot and requests your company”? If you don’t ask yourself, you don’t get anything.

Putting your hand on our lower back

Oh, need to get by? That’s what your words are for. At most you can touch our shoulder if it’s too loud for us to hear you. But a crowded, noisy room doesn’t mean our lower backs are fair game.

Dancing in the middle of our circle

You—yeah you who took all of two breakdancing classes—you think you’re so different from the rest because, instead of grinding up on us or asking one of us to dance, you just completely break up our circle, shove yourself in the middle, and take up way too much room all so we can watch a performance we didn’t ask to see.

Wing-man-attacking us

Don’t think we don’t know when this is happening; when you come up and hit on us, and we turn to use our friend as an excuse to have to leave, only to find your friend is distracting her with stupid questions about what material her dress is made out of. Just because you annoy us away from one another, doesn’t mean you’re not still annoying.

Failing to get us a drink

For goodness sake, if you succeed at not partaking in any of the aforementioned behaviors, and we decide to hang out with you for the majority of the night, dancing with you, talking to you, letting you grab our hand while you pull us through crowds, buy us a drink! If we’ve been hanging out for an hour and you haven’t offered us a drink, we think you’re just looking for a cheap good time.