There is no doubt in my mind that my ex-boyfriend loved me, but even love can be overshadowed by fear. His past was full of hurt and disappointment that brought a lot of unwanted emotions into our relationship. And honestly, in his defense, a few of those emotions were sparked because of me; but still, through our relationship I realized that men have baggage too and because they are usually more stubborn than and not as willing to open up as women (my opinion), there is nothing worse than trying to love a battered man.
When I was telling the truth, to him, I was lying. When I didn’t compliment him, apparently I didn’t think he was enough for me. In his head, I was like the women who had hurt him in the past. No matter what I did or didn’t do, I always felt the need to try to convince him that I was on his team. Man oh man, that was a job within itself. I grew tired of having to explain myself. His moods would jump from one to 10 in a matter of minutes. I was always walking on eggshells to appease him. I became drained attempting to show my love.
Everyone has some insecurities, but when they get in the way of someone loving you, chances are the relationship just won’t work. Basically, that person needs to get themselves together before someone else even thinks about trying to love them.
Being in a relationship with a man who has excessive emotional issues is like running in place–you get nowhere but still feel drained. And unless you are using him as a psychology project, there is no room for him in your life. Seriously.
I had to learn the hard way. After years…yes years…of being in the rollercoaster ride of a relationship with my ex, both of us realized that it wasn’t healthy. I came to the conclusion that I was wasting my time and energy and could possibly be missing out on something else. He realized that he had too many deeply rooted issues stemming from childhood and past relationships. As good as he looked on paper (great job, handsome, good credit score), he was a mess in real life. Although it took years, we eventually did what we both knew was best. We went our separate ways.
I might not be an advocate for dating a battered man, but at the same time, I’m not saying that you should immediately shun away someone with emotional issues. After all, everyone has them. What I am saying is that if his issues are preventing the two of you from moving forward in spite of your frequent efforts, then you should let it go. Allow him to get himself together, and then come back for you. If it’s meant to be it will be, but nothing is worst than forcing something when it’s not the right time. And trust me, if he’s not emotionally stable, it is not the right time.
Ladies, what do you think? Where do you draw the line in dating a man with emotional issues?