As a single mom, your life is already busy and hectic enough and when you try to find the time to add dating into your life, things can become even busier. For some single moms, getting back into the dating world can be a bit intimidating and even a bit confusing. Here are 14 tips for a single mom who is dating.
Keep your ex out of your mind (and business)
Though you have a child with him, there is no need to sit around and think about your ex’s love-life. Who cares who he is dating; it really has no impact on your life. As long as he is talking with you first before he introduces your child to his new woman, don’t worry about it one bit. His new woman means nothing to you or your love life.
Don’t go out looking to fill a void
You’re a single mom because something didn’t work out with your man. Maybe he wasn’t as loving and caring as you wanted him to be or maybe he was just emotionally damaged when you met him and there was just no fixing him. If you’re a single mom who is dating, don’t go out looking for some man to compensate for what you didn’t get from your ex. Focus on being a good mother and let those voids be problems of the past.
Don’t let yourself feel guilty
As a single mom who is dating, you will have to inevitably spend a little less time with your child in order to go on dates and hopefully find a man you enjoy. While being a mom is your first instinct and job, you’re also a human being who wants to be loved and cared for. As long as your child is taken care of, there is no need to feel bad or guilty about getting back into the dating world. At this stage in the game, you deserve some affection and attention from a man.
Don’t try scoping out his parenting abilities
As a mom, you want to know that the man you bring into your life is someone who has the same passion, love, and care that you have for children. However, when you’re out on a first date, there is no need to interrogate this man to figure out whether or not he would make a good parent or not. Instead, focus on having fun and enjoying the time you have with someone new. Allow yourself to have a little fun and excitement and put you first for once.
Ask a lot of questions
Though it sucks to say it, there are some crazy people out there in today’s world. When you’re dating and getting to know a man, be sure that you ask a lot of questions. It’s your responsibility to figure out whether or not this man is truly and deeply a good man because this time you have more than your own feelings riding on this. You don’t want to introduce your child to someone who may be dangerous or harmful in any way. Don’t feel bad about snooping around on his Facebook or checking out his criminal background, if one exists. It’s for your own safety, as well as your child’s.
Don’t bring a new man into your child’s life immediately
So you’ve met a guy who has swooped you off your feet. You’ve gone on a few dates, spent some time together, and every time you see each other you find something else that just sends butterflies throughout your stomach. While you’re head over heels for this man, there is no need to introduce him to your child right away. Make sure that things get into a more serious state before bringing him into the equation. Otherwise you face having your child become attached to someone who may be out of the picture.
Keep your schedule flexible
When you have a child in your life, you know that he/she comes first. So if you need to a cancel a date because your child is sick or because you have a PTA meeting, don’t feel bad about having to reschedule. At the same time, make sure that you’re just as understanding when a man you’re dating has to adjust his schedule.
Know where to meet men
If you’ve been out of the dating scene for awhile, chances are you’re a bit rusty when it comes to knowing where to meet potential men to date. While you’re used to play dates with your child, now’s the time to focus on getting real dates. As a single mom who is dating, you’ll more than likely find that online dating is the most ideal for you. Also, let some of your friends play matchmaker; the experience is fun to say the least.
Don’t bring up your ex
No matter who you’re talking to, don’t spend a lot of time discussing your ex. There’s no need to talk bad about him to your child, let alone to a man you’re on a date with. As a single mom who is dating, you may want to vent about your ex, but doing so while on a first date with a new man just isn’t ideal. Talking smack about him will probably make the new man think you’re not over your ex.
Start feeling sexay again
When you have focused a lot of time and effort into being the best mom you can be, chances are that feeling good about yourself have taken the back burner. Before you become part of the dating scene, make sure that you give yourself some me time. Go out and buy some nice clothes. Get your hair done. And definitely buy some lingerie. Who said moms couldn’t be hot?
Accept that dad will always come first
Even if the new man in your life is an awesome father to your child, the fact is that your child will always put his father first. It’s natural instinct for your child to always love and care about his/her dad above any other man. Dad has been there from the get-go and will always be #1 to your child.
Have a list of wants and needs
If you have been out of the dating scene for awhile, you’ll really want to take some time to sit down and figure out what you want and need out of a man. This requires you to dig deep inside yourself and figure out what would make you the happiest. Of course, this list will change as you begin to date, but go into the dating scene with a good idea of what you want so that you’re more likely to find someone you are compatible with.
Ask for help when you need it
Being a single mom is a job in itself and by adding dating into the mix, things can get more hectic than they’ve ever been before. When you venture back into the dating world, don’t hesitate to reach out to family and friends to help you. If need someone to babysit your child for a few hours, surely your mom would love to help. Or when you need some emotional support, your best girl is just a phone call away.
Don’t force anything on your child
For some children, it can be hard to understand why mom and dad aren’t together and why mom is dating someone new. When you decide to introduce your child to your new man, don’t force it onto him/her. Some children will be open and willing while others will be disinterested and confused. Give your child space and time to understand what’s going on, and definitely talk about it.