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I am a newlywed. I married the man it seems I’ve loved forever – we’ve known each other for 15 years. We dated on and off again for a couple years in my twenties, went our separate ways for about 11 years, reconnected, dated for another two, lived together for a year, and finally tied the knot last Thursday.

The first question everyone asks me now is “How does it feel? Do you feel married now?”

As weird, or wrong, or strange as it may seem, the answer is…”no.”

Maybe because I’ve only been married a few days, it hasn’t hit me yet. Maybe I don’t know what being married is supposed to feel like. I’ve never done this before – I hope to never do it again – so maybe “feeling” married is something you just ease into. I mean, after all, I still love him the same way. We’ve lived together now for over a year so it’s not like I now have to get used to his smelly socks. I don’t feel like our relationship has changed any since saying “I do.” The only difference I feel now is that my relationship with John is now made legal. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have any real expectations as to what it was going to be like being a wife. I guess you could say now there’s no turning back and our union is more “serious.” I don’t want to downplay the sanctity or the real commitment it takes to betroth yourself to someone else for life, but I took our relationship seriously before we got married. Hearing him declare his love for me to an officiant and me doing the same was a wonderful feeling – and to hear him say he’d take care of me forever was amazing. I’m happy that I’m happy and in love and am his wife. But what does that feel like today as opposed to the day before we got married? I can’t say it feels that much different other than now he’s no longer my boyfriend.

To me, it feels similar to when people ask you if you feel any differently becoming a year older on your birthday. Sure, maybe I felt “grown” when I turned 21, but turning 22 or 23 didn’t feel any different. When I turned 30, I felt I had reached a milestone, but I didn’t feel any differently at 30 than I felt at 27…the age I seem to perpetually be in my head. But if you ask me what the difference is between how I feel at 40 versus how I felt at 15, I can definitely tell you how I’ve grown, matured and developed. There is a sea of time between those two ages where I have had enough experiences to draw on to give a distinct answer.

So maybe that’s what it’ll take. Ask me in a year, five or 10 years what it feels like to be married. Hopefully, in that time we will be raising children together, have faced enough challenges and loved each other more to the point where I can say what being married feels like. Right now, I don’t have an answer, and I think that’s okay. Some women may feel differently the moment they walk down the aisle. My sister told me when she got married, she felt like they were no longer playing games – like they were in it to win it. I understand that marriage changes the game. It’s a challenge we both feel up to so blow the whistle…I’m in!

So my question is this: Should getting married instantaneously make you feel different in your relationship? If you don’t “feel married” right away, is that normal? Do some of you out there feel married and if so, can you explain what that means? Does feeling married become something that happens in time? If you are a bride-to-be, do you  have expectations that after your wedding you will feel something uniquely different? I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts on this.

Until then, I guess the best answer to how I feel is simply this: I feel like being called his wife is an honor, even though I’ve never been one to be hung up on titles. But it’s one that slaps me in the face now every time someone calls me “Mrs. McMillon.” It’s like a cool splash of water in my face…and it feels good.

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