MadameNoire Featured Video

By Jessica Gray

I feel like I need to be more clear when I say that I don’t meet any guys. That’s not true.

I meet nice guys all of the time. I just haven’t met anyone that I’ve connected with yet. I’m not super picky and I’m realistic. I don’t have an obscenely long list of criteria for a mate. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous for waiting to meet someone that I won’t have to fake smile at every day after I realize I don’t really want to be around them.

I know this can sound heartless, but being a nice guy is not enough. I’ve heard my guy friends talk about how a girl is beautiful, smart, driven, great in the kitchen, amazing in bed, adores him and all that good stuff…but they still don’t choose to continue a relationship with her because there is nothing more there. Now I understand that certain situations like that are a little deeper than we are going to discuss here, but why can’t we feel the same? Why can’t we want more than just finding someone who is bearable? Why do we have to settle?

I’ve had a guy go ballistic on me because I told him that I didn’t want to date him anymore and that we had zero chemistry. I put it in nicer words, of course, but he wasn’t trying to hear it. I got called ungrateful and a couple other really not-nice things (only confirming that I made the right decision and ultimately disqualifying him from the “nice guy” category). What really annoyed me was when he listed all of his highly desirable qualities *insert sarcasm* and said I did not know how to appreciate a good man.

Hold on. I could tell that things were not going anywhere on my end, so I thought I was doing the mature thing by ending things early instead of dragging him along while I tried to force feelings I was never going to have. By doing that, I felt I was acknowledging that he was a great guy and I respected him enough not to waste his time. But no. Just because he is a nice guy, I’m supposed to force the situation? I think not. Neither of us would have been happy.

There is a connection I want to have with someone if I plan on making a lifetime commitment to them. I find nothing wrong with waiting for something with more substance than an impressive list of credentials and some manners. Sometimes you have to be honest and let him know: I’m glad that you are a “nice guy” and I am sure that you will make some woman out there very happy someday. But you are not the one for me.

Do you think I am being unreasonable? Do you care about having a deeper connection with someone or are the basics enough?


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