When You Didn’t Even See It Coming: How To Deal With Being Blindsided By A Breakup

June 24, 2013  |  
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One day out of the blue your guy breaks up with you. You’re of course stunned, sad, and questioning everything. The breakup hits you harder than any others before because it was a complete shock. You two were doing fine, or so you thought, and you had plans for the near future. Breakups are hard, but they’re even harder when you are completely blindsided by it. Though you’ll feel plenty of emotions, don’t let yourself get too down in the dumps. Here are some tips and ways to deal with a blindsided breakup.

Allow yourself to feel

Once things are done, you’ll feel all sorts of emotions. From sadness to anger to hurt and self-blame, there will be tons and tons of emotions flowing through you. During this time, you will want to let yourself feel whatever you need to. Don’t try to block your feelings or hide them.

Don’t look for answers

While your ex may have the answers you’re looking for, it’s not wise to contact him in order to determine the whys and other questions. Even if you get the answers that you’re looking for, they won’t be enough. That last conversation will leave a bitter taste in your mouth and bad thoughts in your mind. Don’t reach out to him for answers; it’s not worth it.

Take him out of your life

Clearly he wants to be done with you, so you need to be done with him. Delete his number out of your phone. Delete him off of Facebook. Get rid of any clothes and other items that he has left at your house. You’ll really want to literally and seriously take him out of your life, or else you’ll find it a lot harder to move on successfully.

Don’t try to run into him

Even though you want to see him or talk to him, try to suppress the urge as much as possible. Impulsively, you may love to somehow see him again, but it’s really not worth it. Don’t hang around his workplace or go to places where he is bound to be. There’s no point in seeing him, let alone trying to mend what is obviously extremely broken.

Don’t let go of your dignity

Don’t get yourself into the mindset that you need closure. When you’re thinking about calling him or coming into contact with him somehow, you’re doing it out of the hope that you may still be able to get another chance with him. Trying to convince him, and yourself, that another chance is worthwhile is just silly. By doing so you’re putting your own dignity aside. Don’t let yourself stoop to this level.

Don’t try being friends

Being friends freshly after a relationship has ended is just silly. Doing so after a blindsided breakup is even worse. This guy doesn’t deserve a second of your time or an ounce of your care. No matter how strongly you still feel for him and about him, being friends will not mend the heartbreak he just caused. Let it go and put him in the past.

Give yourself time

As with any breakup, you’ll need to be willing to give yourself time to heal and to gather yourself again. With a blindsided breakup, it may take a bit more time than usual in order to really feel like yourself again. Don’t give yourself a set deadline to feel better; it’ll happen when it happens.

Stay away from dating for a little while

Dating right after a harsh breakup is counteractive. While you may get the attention that you’re no longer getting from your ex, rebound relationships rarely go anywhere. Embrace being single and stay out of the dating world. Put your time, focus, and energy on yourself. You’ll love it.

Don’t blame yourself

Breakups tend to end in a lot of blaming. In any relationship, it takes two to tango, so don’t put the blame on yourself for the random breakup. More than likely the breakup is due to a mistake on his end. Guys who pull a blindsided breakup typically have something they are trying to hide, and would rather keep it a secret than worry about the impact later on.

Talk about it

Talking really helps when you’re feeling down and out. You don’t have to tell everyone in your circle, but don’t be afraid to confide in the people you are closest with. Surely your best friend or your sister would be willing to lend you an ear and a shoulder. Explain how you’re feeling and get it out into the open.

Don’t lose faith

A blindsided breakup can make anyone lose faith in the opposite sex. After having your heart randomly torn from you, it’s hard to think that it couldn’t happen again in the future. It’s common for people to start losing faith in others, but fight against it. No two men are alike and not all men out there are looking to ruin your emotionally.

Keep busy

Staying busy can really help along the way of the healing process. You don’t want to be sitting at home crying and listening to the saddest songs that you know. Instead, it’s best to get out and about. Go to the spa or go shopping. Pick up a new hobby and see how well you like it. Anything that will keep you preoccupied is good.

Don’t become withdrawn

When people are hurt, they tend to withdraw and shelter themselves from others for the fear of being hurt even more. Becoming withdrawn will only make you feel worse. Though being alone is nice, being alone during your time of need only does more damage. Talk and reach out to those that you love and who love you most.

Reach out for support

Having outside support is crucial when you’re going through the healing process after a blindsided breakup. If you’re still unsure about talking to your friends or a family member, reach out to someone more neutral. There are plenty of group therapies both in-person and online that you can attend. Hearing and talking to others that have experienced what you’re going through is helpful.

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