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Relationships are designed for two people to get to know each other, to add value to each other’s lives, to fulfill a distinct purpose, and to bring an equal amount of happiness to each other. Many times, when women are in a relationship, they have the tendency to act and do things differently. For instance, when a woman is in a fresh relationship, she tends to clean her home more (some women, not all), she buys more lingerie, she makes home cooked meals or at least tries to, so on and so on. Not only does a woman’s habits change, but her attitude changes. She seems happier and friendlier, and there is a certain glow about her that wasn’t there before her newfound relationship. Why is that? Why is it that so many women are the best person they are, or only their happiest, when they are in a relationship? Why is it that some women can only be happy when they have a man in their lives?

There are many opinions and answers to these questions, but the one reason many women are only happy when they are in a relationship is because they are not happy with who they are and they believe they can only be happy and complete when they are with a man. And the reason many women are not happy with who they are is because they don’t know who they are as an individual, and they have not found their purpose. Another reason women are only happy when they are in a relationship is because they are looking at other relationships from face value; meaning they are looking at the happy pictures and the happy couples who are out enjoying each other, and not looking into the relationship and the work that goes into it. What many women often fail to realize is that a happy man as an individual wants to be with a woman who is happy before he comes into her life so she can add a unique sense of happiness to his own life. There are a number of women who believe they can only experience a true sense of happiness when they are in a relationship and this is just not true.

Why isn’t this true? Because happiness and joy come from within and that happiness and joy is discovered when it is searched for and fulfilled by an individual who is seeking it within who they are and were created to be. Now don’t get me wrong, relationships are great, and they do and should bring about a new sense of happiness for both people; but the truth of the matter is that a relationship is not the end all, be all of happiness. They take work from two whole and happy individuals who know their worth and know what makes them happy before they commit to each other. If one person in a relationship depends solely on the other person for happiness, then that can add pressure to the other person in the relationship and in turn can make them unhappy. I’ve witnessed a number of women who were happy being who they were, only to change into a different woman when they were in a relationship to make the men they were with happy so they would stay with them.

This was absolutely unbelievable because I always thought that these women were strong-willed and happy with who they were and being single…that is until a man came around. I couldn’t understand why they changed several things about them for the sake of saving a relationship that may or may not end in marriage. And then I figured it out. They changed to please the men they were with because they feared being alone, and rather than standing firm on who they were and loving themselves, they changed in an instant. Unfortunately, many unmarried women live with the fear of being alone for the remainder of their lives. They fear they will never experience true love, or have children, or get married; but what I wish a lot of unmarried women would realize is that there is nothing wrong with being single!

Being single has its advantages and disadvantages, just the same as being married or being involved in a committed relationship does. Both aspects have their ups and downs, but at least when you’re single you can be who you are and spend more time learning who you are before you jump into a relationship and turn into someone else, to please someone else. As I stated previously, relationships are great, and they do and should bring new happiness into one’s life…but at what cost?

How many of you have ever compromised yourself for a relationship? Do you find your happiness in a man and a man only? Are you happiest when you’re in or out of a relationship?

Liz Lampkin is the author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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