During my visit for Thanksgiving, my mom dropped no less than four hints that she was ready for me to start having kids. I mostly ignored her because my husband and I haven’t even hit our first anniversary and therefore kids won’t be sliding out of my uterus any time soon. Still, our conversation got me thinking about the fact that I’m not financially ready for children because, when I do start having kids, I hope to be able to hire a nanny.
My husband and I don’t live near any family and I don’t plan to be a stay-at-home mom, so when we start having kids, we’re definitely going to need at least part-time help. I’ve heard too many daycare horror stories to consider sending my child to one, so in-home help seems to be the way to go.
One of my closest friends is a nanny and she seems like a total godsend for the family she cares for. When she told me what she does, I thought “Wow, I’m definitely going to need to hire someone like you!” Thinking about it some more, I decided I wouldn’t hire someone exactly like her because, in my opinion, she is way too pretty to be a nanny and I would never even consider hiring attractive help.
It’s not that I don’t trust my husband because I definitely do. He would never even consider cheating on me. However, just because I trust him doesn’t mean I’d give him a wallet full of dollar bills and tell him to have fun at the strip club. And I certainly wouldn’t hire some hot, young girl to traipse around him taking care of our kids. I trust him, but I certainly don’t trust other random women not to try something. What if the family environment a nanny witnesses around her causes her to imagine that this is something she wants for herself, leading to all sorts of silly but real attempts at getting it for herself? It happens! Both Ethan Hawke and Robin Williams married their nannies.
Of course, a live-out (as opposed to a live-in) nanny means that she likely would never interact with my husband because by the time he comes home, she’s long gone. Still, I wouldn’t take any chances that the nanny isn’t all she seems.
Is this some sort of young, pretty girl discrimination? Probably. But there’s just something so weird about the thought of my husband witnessing some beautiful woman on a regular basis who essentially does all of the positive things I would do as a mother if I didn’t have other obligations and who doesn’t give my husband any of the headache.
AskMen.com confirms this suspicion when talking about why men love nannies:
Besides their young bodies, kept fit from chasing munchkins, men think babysitters and nannies are hot for another reason: They have kids that aren’t their own. We like the playful nature and nurturing that babies bring out in women, but hate the weight of eternal responsibility. A nanny is like a villa in accountability. You can just vacation there, play house and go home to your apartment with the rotating cast of one-nighters. Nannies already know their homes and provide a Hot young comfort their busy wives forget.
See? No way!
There doesn’t even have to be a problem in the marriage for a man to be tempted either. Dr. Tammy Nelson told YourTango.com:
Studies have shown that cheating may not be a symptom of a bad marriage. Most people cheat because of opportunity (leading marriage researcher John Gottman says this accounts for 80 percent of affairs).
And what easier opportunity than a woman who is already in the house every day? Better to eliminate that temptation by hiring a nanny that looks like his mother. In that case, it’s just another grandmother-type helping out around the house and I can deal with that. This isn’t to say young, pretty girls aren’t great nannies who would never look twice at another woman’s husband – my friend certainly wouldn’t – but I’d be very hesitant to choose a younger nanny over an older one.
Don’t get me wrong. I realize that if a man is going to cheat, he’s going to cheat even if he’s married to Kennedy royalty and the help looks like Mildred “Patty” Baena. Unfortunately (and oddly), men cheat on their wives for less attractive women every day, but these men are probably known womanizers who have somehow convinced their wives that they’re reformed. In that case, it’s probably best to hire a Manny.
But for those of us married to regular guys who aren’t looking to get their rocks off with any woman with legs, an older woman (who is experienced, good with kids, willing to raise them your way, available and credentialed of course) seems to be the way to go.
What do you think? Would you hire – or not hire – a nanny based on her looks?