Reader Nyla asks:
I recently just had sex with a new partner. Since we had sex, he hasn’t called. It’s been a week now. What should I do or say to him?
Aww, sis. Sorry to hear that. First, let me ask: how was it? Did he perform well? Did he come too fast? If he doesn’t feel good about his work, he could be keeping a low-profile because of embarrassment. In which case, giving him a call wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, as it would let him know that you are still interested. However, even in that case, I would file his silence under ‘cowardice.’
Short of some sort of personal or professional crisis, there is no reason for a man to go a week after sex without calling other than him not wanting to talk to you. I’m sorry to have to tell you that, but that seems to be the way of the world today. Because there is still that very tired attitude that a man “gets some” and a woman “gives it up,” it is typically the responsibility of the gent to make that first post-coital call- the one that lets you know that respect is still in the building, that he hopes that you enjoyed yourself and that he would like to see you again. Yes, it’s wack, but it’s still standard operating procedure (to be fair, I may have deviated from this personally, but it was due to the nature of my relationship with the guy in question- I wasn’t worried that he wasn’t going to call back).
There are a million possibilities here and most of them aren’t gonna make you feel very good and I am truly sorry about that. He may be seeing someone else. He may have gotten what he wanted from his time with you already and is no longer interested in seeing you. He might just be a real prick. Either way, I’d give you one pass to call him and see what he says. Don’t do a big show or whine, just hit him with “Hey, how are you? Haven’t talked to you in a minute and wanted to see what is up.” You only make this call if you are dying to talk to him. Otherwise, there’s nothing wrong with cutting your losses and trying to find a partner who really wants to be around you.
I am of the belief that a man who wants to talk to you will find a way to do so, no matter what. I had to learn this the hard way, playing myself for dudes who didn’t give half a damn about me or my feelings. But I built up my pride and refuse to put myself out here bogus for a man who isn’t sold on the magnificence of me. Don’t waste your time, attention or feelings on a loser who isn’t worth you, babydoll! Vet your lovers well and accept nothing less than the best.
