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“Girl On Top” is a weekly sex column on Madame Noire. Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions!

An all-too familiar scenario: Malik meets Stephanie. He thinks she’s attractive, but for whatever reason, he isn’t interested in much more than a physical relationship with her. Stephanie thinks Malik is all around awesome. They go on a few dates and start sleeping together. Malik is actively meeting and courting other women while calling girl for crazy amazing  sex sessions. Stephanie is frustrated that she isn’t being treated like a girlfriend, yet she continues the affair in hopes that he will soon see how great she is. Malik knows exactly how Stephanie feels about him, yet he continues sleeping with her. Pain ensues.

Who’s the bad guy in this situation? I’d say both of them. While Stephanie ultimately should have taken Malik at his word and actions, it wasn’t cool for him to continue having sex with her knowing where she stood. She’s the one responsible for protecting herself, no doubt. But it’s still cruel to keep the sex going when there are plenty other women out there he could have met. Ultimately, Stephanie has poor judgement and Malik is a jerk…but only one of them will truly suffer as a result.

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens all of the time with both men and women finding themselves feeling hurt and used. Protect ya neck, ladies. If someone tells you they don’t want a relationship…believe them. And if you aren’t able to part ways with your desires for love and affections from said person, the LAST thing you want to do is have sex with them. You cannot “screw” anyone into liking you! It doesn’t matter what you can do with that thang, you are not gonna wear down somebody’s disinterest in the rest of you. Don’t try!

Good sex can make a sister go crazy. An over-the-top bedroom connection can easily be confused with a deeper romantic one. I advise you all to be keenly aware of the difference so that you can be open and free for the person who offers both. Furthermore, it’s virtually impossible to divorce your loins from your heart when it comes to someone you have real feelings for.

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