The Secrets to “Upping Your ‘Hot’”

September 22, 2010  |  

“Girl On Top” is a weekly sex column on Madame Noire. Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions!

One of the keys to having great sex is to feel Hot. It doesn’t matter how skillful you are with your hands, how nice your head game is…if you haven’t truly tapped in to your sensual side, it’s all for naught. Here are a few tips to help you feel like a lovemaking goddess:

1) Ask Yourself to Dance: One of my personal rituals: dancing in the mirror in my undies before I get dressed. I put on one of my favorite s*xy songs (try “Lick” by Joi, “Freak-N-You” by Jodeci, “Till The Cops Coming Knocking” by Maxwell) and do a little hip winding and grinding, while taking the time to appreciate how I look and feel. This isn’t when you look at yourself and criticize how big your belly is or to wish you had bigger breasts. Focus only on what you enjoy about yourself and try to let that loving spirit carry you through the day.

2) Be a Pleasure Seeker: Take time to enjoy the many sensual delights all around you…not just the ones that relate to sex! Savor the vanilla and cinnamon aroma of your chai before your first sip. Rub your hands through your hair (and your partners) and make your fingers familiar with every kink and curl. Turn of the top-40 radio hits for a spell and get in to the magic of Jazz, allowing your ears to wrap themselves around the sounds of each instrument. Use all five of your senses to take in the richness of  the world around you.

3) Look the Part: Whether you are a ‘hair and makeup required’ gal or a sweats and a fitted chick, make sure you always put your best face forward. Feeling like you look good can improve your mood and your confidence, so what ever “good” looks like to you…take the time to make it happen. If red lipstick makes you feel extra Hot, wear it to the grocery store!  If a fresh pair of kicks makes you feel like a star, then scour the web for a sale and treat yourself to some for that big party next week. If you feel like you look worn out or less than your best, then you can’t expect to feel particularly Hot.

4) Have a Hot Secret: Going to a boring work function? Wear your favorite bra and panty set (or go commando) underneath. If you have a dinner date that you know will end with, ahem, dessert, wear a modest dress with a garter belt and stockings underneath. This isn’t simply about showing out for your partner, but about you feeling Hot and fun.

5) Find a Theme Song: One of my girls says that Remy Ma’s “Conceited” makes her feel like the baddest chick on the block. Is there a song that always makes you feel like “can’t nobody tell you nothing?” Put it on your iPod and let it be the soundtrack to you pounding the pavement on the way to the subway, or bump it in your car on the way to work each day!

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