That’s Not Cool: Why You Shouldn’t Use Your Girl To Test Your Man’s Loyalty

October 3, 2012  |  

The success of a relationship is all about trust.  To have a healthy one you should be comfortable enough with that person to believe that they’re not going to jump into the pants of the first attractive thing that’s coming their way.  But every now and then you’re put in situations that test that trust. Maybe your guy looked too long at the girl who took your order.  Maybe your girl’s hand lingered on the stock person’s arm as she reached over to get grapes from the produce section.  Maybe you heard your mate tell someone that you two were only cousins when they didn’t realize you were walking up right behind them.

No matter how small or big the incident is, there are multiple avenues to take when you’re feeling (let’s be honest) self-conscious in your relationship.  Self-consciousness is usually brought on when people put the brunt of problems on themselves, and begin to look at themselves as inadequate.  Before I continue, know that you are an amazing person and anyone who has you is an extremely lucky person.

Now that that’s out of the way, you still feel like you’re hearing alarms.  Your relationship isn’t what it used to be, and red flags are waving like a drill team/color guard.  There are ways to find out the truth, but one of the things you should never do is to use your friend as a fidelity guinea pig.

Now for me, I’ve personally lost friends due to them trying to put me in compromising situations with their guys to see if they’ll try something with me.  I’m an extremely loyal person, and I tend to get along with both sexes equally.  Two friends in the past tried to either have me call their guy on three way to either dig out information from him, or see if he’d proposition me.  I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable and hoping that my voice didn’t reflect the scrunched up look that was sprawled all over my face.  Those moments were ridiculous and indicative of the maturity level that came from high schoolers.  But it was the incident in college that ended a friendship.

A friend whose guy had a history of cheating, decided to get back together.  He and I were cool  before they got together, but only as acquaintances.  I began to notice that she would call me over a lot more than you would expect a person who was in a relationship, and like a naive person, I skipped my way on over.  Instead of asking me out right she would put me in these weird situations with her guy to see if he’d do something.  Like, being at her place watching TV with her, he comes over and she’ll abruptly leave the room for about an hour.  Then when I go find her she’s reading a book somewhere else and she’s immediately asking me:  “What?  Did he say something to you?  Did he look at you?  What happened?”

Their relationship didn’t last and neither did our friendship, because I literally began to feel like a lure being put in a lake with hopes that her guy would swim by and attach.  I’m loyal, but I’m not stupid.  I didn’t want to continue to be put in a situation that was making her more insecure with her relationship, and straining ours.

So readers, if something seems fishy in your relationship, don’t put the responsibility of figuring out the problem on your friend.  A romantic relationship is between two people (unless you’re a polygamist) and including others in it, is just asking for trouble.

Also, if you have to go to these lengths just to figure out if the person would potentially cheat, you have to ask yourself is that a person you want to be with at all?  If you feel like you can’t trust your guy, why strain the trust you have with a friend?  End it and try to figure out what was causing your self-consciousness.  Try to make yourself whole before starting a relationship, because two half people do not make a whole person.  Then (if you’re so inclined to) find a person that compliments you, not make you a good candidate for working for the CIA.

Kendra Koger only have healthy friendships now.  Befriend her on twitter, because she no longer has a Facebook.  @kkoger

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