7 Red Flags You’re Dating An Emotional Vampire
Girl… #7 Is A Whole Sermon — Red Flags You’re Dating An Emotional Vampire - Page 2
Love has a funny way of highlighting someone’s best traits, sometimes at the expense of ignoring clear warning signs. Red flags in relationships don’t always appear as major, obvious issues. They can show up subtly, through things like passive-aggressive comments, controlling tendencies, or emotional oversharing. No matter how solid, loving, or exciting your relationship is, you’ll inevitably experience the occasional annoyance or quirk that drives you up the wall. But we’re not talking about those minor frustrations.
The signs below point to deeper problems, ones that could indicate toxic patterns and, in some cases, mean the difference between a relationship flourishing or falling apart.
Here are seven relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore, according to relationship experts.
1. They give you no support when you’re going through a stressful situation.
When you’re overwhelmed—whether it’s due to family stress, career pressure, or anything else—your partner should offer emotional support, not add to your stressful situation. They don’t need to solve your problems, but their presence should be comforting.
If you’re left feeling alone, or like your pain doesn’t matter to them, it’s a strong signal that your emotional needs are being overlooked, shared Dr. Amy Marshall, a psychology professor, during a 2023 interview with SELF.
“Simply providing physical affection, like a hug or kiss, or just re-affirming their belief in your abilities and the greatness of who you are can help you feel so much better,” the relationship expert added.
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2. They think all of their exes are “crazy.”
It’s natural to have a bitter memory or two from past relationships. But when someone constantly bashes every ex and calls them “crazy,” it’s a red flag. People who refuse to acknowledge their own role in past breakups likely won’t take responsibility in future ones either.
If they always blame others, chances are, you might end up being labeled the next “crazy ex,” shared Gina Senarighi, Ph.D., a couples counselor based in Madison, Wisconsin.
“The odds are good that they’re going to lack that same kind of insight now with you,” Dr. Senarighi told SELF.
3. They become jealous and controlling.
A little jealousy is human. But how your partner handles those feelings is everything. If their response is anger, accusations, or control—like demanding to know where you are or who you’re with—that’s not just insecurity. It’s possessiveness. Healthy relationships are built on trust and freedom, not fear or guilt.
4. They constantly make jokes at your expense.
Poking fun at each other can be playful, but there’s a big difference between mutual teasing and disguised insults. If you’ve told your partner their words hurt and they continue anyway, it’s no longer a joke—it’s a red flag.
5. They rush into the relationship and become too clingy.
Feeling adored can be flattering, but beware if it feels like they’re moving too fast. Constant declarations of love, gifts, and attention might seem romantic at first, but it could be a manipulation tactic known as “love bombing.”
Philadelphia-based couples counselor Folashade Adekunle, M.Ed., warned that this overly clingy behavior may signal an attempt to create a dependent dynamic, where your partner relies on you for everything and gradually tries to control the relationship through that dependence.
If their intense affection is followed by guilt trips or anger when you assert your independence, it’s time to step back and reassess.
6. They’re disrespectful to service workers.
One of the quickest ways to spot someone’s true character is to watch how they treat people they don’t “need” to impress, like a waitress at a restaurant or Lyft driver.
“The way your date talks to the waiter or the Lyft driver will give you great information about their views on social structure, their sense of entitlement, and how they respond when they’re in positions of power,” Dr. Senarighi explained.
If they’re rude, dismissive, or condescending to service staff, consider it an early warning sign.
7. They expect you to be their only source of emotional support.
Everyone has baggage, and having trauma or mental health challenges doesn’t make someone unlovable. But there’s a difference between sharing vulnerabilities and depending entirely on you for emotional survival.
“The dynamic evolves into you being their only lifeline, that can make the relationship very, very difficult,” Dr. Senarighi added.
Support is essential, but you’re not their therapist or sole source of healing. A partner should be seeking help elsewhere, whether through therapy, self-work, or other supportive relationships.
Love can cloud judgment, but it’s important to stay alert to behaviors that could indicate deeper issues. If any of these red flags are familiar, give yourself permission to pause, reflect, and—if needed—protect your emotional well-being.
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