3 Things You Shouldn't Say To Someone Battling Depression
3 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Struggling With Depression - Page 4
Depression is a common but serious mental health condition that affects how a person feels, thinks, and functions in everyday life. It’s more than just feeling sad or going through a tough time. Depression is persistent and can deeply interfere with a person’s ability to work, connect with others, and take care of themselves.
According to Mental Health America, major depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting over 8% of American adults each year, which translates to more than 21 million people. It also impacts 15% of youth ages 12–17, or about 3.7 million adolescents. Symptoms can include sadness, a feeling of emptiness, a loss of interest in daily pleasures, or even worse, suicidal thoughts.
The good news is that depression is treatable. With the right support—whether therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination—recovery is absolutely possible, but it takes a village to help someone get out of a depressive bout.
Here’s what you shouldn’t say to someone fighting depression.
1. “You have so much to be grateful for.”
Claudia Giolitti-Wright, a psychotherapist based in New York told Time in an interview published June 6, that she cringes when clients with depression report back about the negative and discouraging things their family members say when they’re down in the dumps. She believes that “But you have so much to be grateful for!” is the worst offender.
“It implies that gratitude should cancel out and suppress depression, when that’s simply not how the brain or nervous system works,” Giolitti-Wright explained. “You can feel absolutely numb and be grateful at the same time. You can have success and think positively about some things and still be depressed. These truths coexist, and when we fail to hold space for both of them, we risk silencing the people who need support the most.”
Instead of making your loved one feel like their emotions are invalid, try responding with something that shows you are there to listen and offer your support.
“I’m really glad you shared that with me. I’m here for you,” is a great place to start, the psychotherapist shared. This validates their experience without judgment, showing support without implying they should feel differently.
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2. “It could be worse.”
Telling someone their pain could be worse may seem like perspective, but it can feel like you’re minimizing their struggle. According to Giolitti-Wright, it can lead someone to believe their pain isn’t valid or that they don’t deserve help.
Shift your response to offer them more compassion. “What you’re going through sounds really painful. I want to understand more,” is a great way to show that you empathize with their pain and it also opens the door for connection. It tells the person their feelings matter and invites them to share safely.
3. “Have you tried yoga?”
Offering simple fixes like exercise or meditation can feel dismissive, especially if the person has already tried everything they can. It can also imply that they’re not doing enough to “fix” themselves. Rather than jumping in with solutions, try responding in a way that gives them space to choose what support feels right for them.
“Would it help to talk about it, or would you rather I just sit with you?” is a great response, according to Giolitti-Wright. This shifts the focus to what they need, not what you think might help, creating space for real support without pressure.
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