First Lady Shaunie Henderson's Talks Marrying A Pastor [Exclusive]

1 of 7

❯

❮

Before You Say ‘I Do’ To A Pastor: 7 Insights From First Lady Shaunie Henderson

Source: Courtesy of The Hendersons / Courtesy of the Hendersons

Pastor Keion Henderson and his First Lady, Shaunie Henderson, are bringing their relationship talents to Cry Out Con 2025. But before the event kicks off, the couple is sharing what they’ve learned in their partnership to help others in their respective love journeys.

The pair officially married in May 2022. With almost three years of marriage under their belts, the Hendersons say that faith plays a huge role in how they present themselves individually and as a unit.

Pastor Keion, 43, also says it’s vital for them to know how to manage the various factors that affect their work outside of marriage.

“We all have to manage multiple things,” he told MadameNoire. “You must manage yourself; if you have a significant other, you must manage that. I don’t see it as a daunting task that I, as an individual, must overcome. It’s a part of life. Everybody has to be multi-faceted.”

“My wife and I try to make sure that we recognize that the Internet is not our relationship. That the church is not our relationship. That people’s opinions, they are not our relationship. We met each other. We chose this journey together and did what we had to stay on the original ship. We don’t let water in the ship. As best we can, we keep the ship in the water,” he explained, adding, “We try to communicate as often as possible about threats and realize we’re both human. We give each other as much grace as it takes to allow the other person to arrive at the best version of themselves. And so, we have different methods and tools, but that’s ultimately our goal.”

The mother-of-five says that there’s not much that came as a shock or surprise to her when assuming the role of First Lady at her husband’s Lighthouse Church and Ministries in Houston, Texas. She does, however, recognize that the women in this position are held to a different standard, something that Shaunie, 50, admits has not altered her from who she is as an individual, but instead helped her to evolve as a woman.

“I had many conversations with a person that I trust that I could easily call a mentor in this space,” she shared. “She was candid with me, very open with me.”

As the pair prepare for the annual Cry Out Con in Houston, the Hendersons are hopeful that being open and honest about their own experiences will encourage others to do the same. This year’s theme, “All In,” a play on how AI technology is taking the world by storm, is meant to encourage people to step into the destiny of what God has for them.

Source: Courtesy of The Hendersons / Courtesy of the Hendersons

“I want people to feel encouraged,” said Pastor Keion. “I want folks to feel that no weapon formed against them will prosper. I want them to know that you don’t surprise God when you don’t reach the mark, but you do need Him to undo the job that life has done on you. I want folks to feel like they can run through brick walls. I want them to feel like they can manage their children and their businesses and their relationships. I want them to feel like they are overcomers because that’s what the Bible said—is that we are and we can have people coming in as they are, but not leaving like they came.”

Before they set out to transform lives during the conference, which will be held May 1 to May 3, the Hendersons opened up about their relationship, offering tips to those who may be preparing to step into the role of marriage as First Lady or a pastor, but also for anyone simply looking to put God at the center of their union.

1. Don’t Meet Anyone’s Expectations

Referring to her trusted friend and mentor, Shaunie says this advice is near and dear to her heart, especially given the buzz that a First Lady is expected to dress a certain way and be at the mercy of the congregation’s opinions.

“One of the things that I hold dear is that she says not to meet anyone’s expectations,” said Shaunie. “Because once you meet one, there’ll be another one, and there’ll be another one after that, and you will never meet it and just be disappointing yourself and performing.”

“People have so many expectations of what you should be, how you should look, how you should talk, how you should walk, and my husband is super supportive in the area of just remain who you are,” she continued. “Don’t feel like you have to change and conform to what society or the culture says a First Lady looks like or talks, and all those things.”

2. Remain True To Yourself

Source: Courtesy of The Hendersons / Courtesy of the Hendersons

Managing the expectations of others can be overwhelming, which is why Shaunie says remaining true to who she is as a person has been her saving grace.

At the same time, she says she is encouraged to show up as a better version of herself, whether that means enhancing her relationships as a sister, mother, friend, etc.

3. Define Marriage With Your Spouse

Source: Courtesy of The Hendersons / Courtesy of the Hendersons

“The other thing my wife and I always try to tell folks is just because I’m a pastor and just because she’s a First Lady, that doesn’t mean that your faith isn’t tested,” said Pastor Keion. “I mean, my definition of marriage is the collision of two histories, everything my wife ever went through and everything she ever runs into, everything I’ve ever gone through and everything I am. And sometimes compatibility isn’t the outcome.”

4. Communication Is Key

For the Hendersons, effectively communicating with one another is one of the golden rules of their relationship.

“We try to have a designated day that we sit down and talk, but with our life, travel, and schedule, that day and time can change,” said Shaunie. “We are intentional about our communication, talking, and not waiting. We’re good about sending little things we read or find important to each other.”

5. Know When To Step Away

Like any relationship, marriage has its ebbs and flows. Not every day is filled with sunshine and rainbows, so knowing how to navigate storms is essential.

“Our approach has been twofold. No. 1, communicate. No. 2, step away. That’s all we’ve ever done,” said Pastor Keion. “We’ll give each other some time to think about it and then come and talk. Sometimes, those conversations have been five or six hours of just talking until we can walk away.”

The author of Lazy Love: Recognizing and Reversing the 4 Threats to any Successful Relationship went on to explain, “As I understand you, you understand me. I trust the outcomes that we both come away with, whether I’m in the seat where I am the one who’s bringing clarity or I’m the one that’s seeking clarity. Whatever the outcome is, it’s a step away from communicating or communicating to step away. We always come together stronger than ever after anything happened in our experience.”

6. Keep God At The Center Of It All

Faith is a component that is necessary in a relationship, according to First Lady Shaunie Henderson.

“It is a must,” she said. “Now that I’ve experienced just knowing that your spouse is praying for you and covering you in a way that isn’t just a physical safety net, which I believe, as women, we still need. As women, we need to feel safe, and once you feel safe, you’re OK with being vulnerable. You’re OK with being guided. You’re OK with being led. Having a spiritual component in your marriage is another layer of safety, as is knowing that my husband prays for me, that he covers me. I don’t even know how to describe that he looks out for me in another realm.”

7. Don’t Get The Tapestry Of Your Relationship From The Internet

Malik Books Hosts Exclusive "UNDEFEATED" Book Release Event With Shaunie Henderson

Source: Robin L Marshall / Getty

Although the World Wide Web can sometimes be a valuable tool for meeting your significant other in today’s digital age, the Hendersons emphasize the importance of knowing where you stand with your partner without the noise of social media memes and thought pieces.

First Lady Shaunie Henderson's Talks Marrying A Pastor [Exclusive]