We’re almost a month into the new year, and with all the political changes happening, now seems like the perfect time to focus on deepening our friendships and turning to our good pals for support. But that might feel challenging if you identify as the “floater” friend.
According to the Urban Dictionary, a floater is someone who knows a lot of people but doesn’t have close, lasting connections with any of them. Floater friends often feel left out because their other friends tend to gravitate toward someone else, leaving them to drift between different social groups in search of genuine connections.
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In a 2024 article for Women’s Health Magazine, psychologist Irene Levine and therapist Hope Kelaher explored why some people float between friend groups. Levine explained that introverts often prefer more intimate, one-on-one relationships and may feel safer with a small, consistent group of friends. Kelaher added that extroverts might enjoy floating around different groups because connecting with a variety of people can help them feel energized and inspired.
Your upbringing can also shape your approach to friendships. For instance, people who moved frequently as children might get used to meeting new people and navigating multiple social circles, while those who grew up in one place might have had the same core group of friends throughout their lives.
At a young age, friendships are often based on convenience, who you sit with at lunch, who’s on your sports team, or who’s in your classes.
“Friend groups are kind of organic when we’re younger because you’re with the same people in the same place at the same time, often with the same interests and at the same stage of life,” Levine told Women’s Health Magazine.
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Building a core group of friends during adolescence and adulthood can feel challenging, especially as you navigate the process of figuring out “who you are” and “making sense of the world,” as Kelaher noted. Beyond family, friends serve as anchors that help us discover more about ourselves. This self-awareness, in turn, boosts our confidence and shapes our character. During adolescence, it’s common to float between different friend groups as you search for your “tribe.” But as you get older, societal pressures start to intensify.
Kelaher also pointed out that there’s a growing societal expectation to be part of a defined friend group. In high school and college, tight-knit cliques are often the norm, whether at parties, in the cafeteria, or even online. With social media, young adults are constantly exposed to who is friends with whom and how many friends they have, which can trigger feelings of inadequacy, fear of missing out, or unhealthy comparisons.
So, how can you stop being the floater friend?
Be intentional about your friendships.
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In a 2024 article for Business Insider, Writer Julia Pugachevsky, advised that people should start by identifying the friends you truly care about. Look at the dynamic you have with your close pals currently and focus on nurturing those relationships. It might mean consciously investing more time and effort into a few close friends rather than spreading yourself thin. Set aside time for regular check-ins—texts, calls, or meet-ups, and make a point to show interest in their lives.
