Consensual Non-Monogamy, Polyamory + Open Relationships
Consensual Non-Monogamy, Polyamory + Open Relationships: What’s The Difference?
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If you think people who participate in non-traditional relationships are a fringe part of society, think again. According to a poll by YouGov, nearly a third of American adults say their ideal relationship is a non-monogamous one. And between the years 2016 and 2020, the number of people who said they prefer a monogamous relationship dropped by four percent. Monogamy – particularly in marriage – is ultimately a societal construct that works in tandem with other governmental institutions. It’s neat, organized and simple, but it’s not for everyone.
It turns out that plenty of adults want to experience love and connection in a less restricted and less structured way. And they’ve come up with many methods for doing just that. The three main non-traditional relationships we’re seeing rise in popularity are consensual non-monogamy, polyamory and open relationships. While these all share some similarities, there are important differences when it comes to consensual non-monogamy versus polyamory, and both of those can be quite different compared to an open relationship.
What Is Consensual Non-Monogamy?
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Consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses any sort of relationship in which the parties involved are allowed to pursue intimacy of either a romantic nature, sexual nature, or both, with more than one person. Non-monogamy is a catch-all term for non-traditional relationships of most types. It can contain swinging, polyamory, open relationships and beyond. If someone is involved with multiple people, and all parties involved know about and consent to it, it falls under consensual non-monogamy.
The key term is * consensual * — it is what differentiates these types of relationships from infidelity. And it pertains to consent in all directions. For example, someone in an open relationship (has a primary partner but can have sex with outsiders) would need to inform any outside party they have sex with of the arrangement, so that that person can consent as well.
What Is An Open Relationship?
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An open relationship is one of the more simple forms of consensual non-monogamy. This arrangement consists of a primary couple, and each person within the couple is free to explore sexual experiences with people outside of their relationship. However, those encounters do not develop into relationships or become anything beyond sexual. That is the idea behind an open relationship – external encounters are purely physical. Of course, keeping outside encounters purely sexual can be easier said than done.
Sometimes open relationships are spoken about interchangeably with swinging. The main difference, however, is that swinging is done as an organized, group activity, wherein a primary couple attends an event with other couples looking to have sexual experiences outside of their relationship.
What Is Polyamory?
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Polyamorous individuals can form multiple meaningful relationships with several individuals, all of whom know that this is happening. There is no primary couple in this situation. Rather, a polyamorous person can be a part of multiple relationships that are both romantic and sexual. And they understand that those people with whom they’re involved might be doing the same thing with other people. So, a polyamorous heterosexual woman might have four men to whom she refers as her “boyfriend.”
What Is Polyfidelity?
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Polyfidelity is sometimes mistaken for polyamory, but they are not the same. In polyamory, one person might be involved with several people, who are in no way involved with one another. But in polyfidelity, there is a group of individuals who are all romantically and sexually involved with each other – and only with those in the group. This group forms the primary relationship in their lives, but within it, there are several individuals. Polyfidelity is what we talk about when we say a group of three people are a throuple or that four people are a foursome. Those people are in a relationship with each other and do not stray outside of the group.
What Are The Benefits Of Consensual Non-Monogamy?
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Consensual non-monogamy can be right for those who:
- Want to explore sexual desires that a primary partner does not want to participate in
- Want to experience intimacy with others but want to keep a primary relationship in their life
- Want the freedom to experience an emotional bond with multiple people without feeling unfaithful
Risks And Considerations For Non-Monogamy
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Depending on the type of non-monogamy you choose to engage in, there are some considerations to keep in mind. The primary one is sexual health. Using protection and regularly getting tested is important for:
- Open relationships because the primary partners engage in sexual encounters with limitless and rotating outside partners
- Polyamory because a polyamorous person might be involved with several people who are also sexually involved with several other people.
Because in polyfidelity relationships, there is a core, closed group of individuals who only have sex with those within the group, the risk of STDs is not as much of a concern as it is for polyamorous individuals and those in open relationships. However, if a group practicing poly-fidelity wants to invite someone new into the relationship, having them get tested first is a good idea.
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