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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex,  finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at


Dear Ashley,

I married my husband after knowing we were not sexually compatible. On our wedding night I was glad we didn’t have sex because I knew I would not enjoy it. I honestly only married him because he was a nice guy and at the time I was experiencing extreme grief and depression. I thought I could deal with the bad sex and didn’t realize sex was so important in a marriage. I had no one to talk to about my second thoughts because my mom is deceased and my dad who is very religious was so excited I was getting married.

Me and my husband have been together for 9 years but only married for 6. I recently had an affair and the sex has been amazing. I finally told my husband that I don’t enjoy sex with him and that he has never satisfied me. He wants to go see a sex therapist but I don’t want to. What should I do? 


Dear Wife,

Chileeeee. Now, Beloved *in my Iylana voice*,  you know you don’t want that man.  Ma’am leave. Why go to therapy if you know you don’t want the relationship? If we are completely honest you never did. You also have been a TRASH wife. Let’s be crystal clear about that. You only married your husband because he was nice. You’re already cheating, why stay? Why are you asking me what to do? You know what to do. You’ve known what to do long before you said I do.  You need to divorce your husband so he can find someone who actually loves him and not someone who’s only with him because he’s nice. You used this man for nine years as a painkiller for your hurt. You needed therapy not a marriage. You actually still need therapy. But you also need to let him go. 

This has nothing to do with sexual compatibility. This is about living a lie. It’s hard to fake sexual chemistry, especially when you are not “into” the person you’re having sex with. This also makes me wonder how your husband was oblivious for so long? Did he not notice you were not “enjoying” it? Did he not ask questions?  Normally, I would say try therapy but in this case therapy wouldn’t improve the situation. You will never be satisfied with your husband and most of that is rooted in the fact that you don’t want or desire him.  Pack your stuff and leave. By pass sex therapy and continue to be with the man who has the amazing sex. 

Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley

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