Pastor John Gray Speaks On "Painful Days" In Message To Wife On Anniversary
Pastor John Gray Celebrates 10th Wedding Anniversary With Aventer, Admits Marital Missteps: “There Were Some Painful Days” - Page 9
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Pastor John Gray is is likely aware of the side-eye that anything he has to say about his marriage to wife Aventer may receive from people due to his own public mistakes over the years, but that isn’t stopping the 47-year-old from gushing over his wife on their 10th anniversary for the Internet to see.
The former Book of John Gray star publicly celebrated a decade of marriage with Aventer (their actual anniversary was on the 11th), reminiscing fondly on all the great things they have accomplished together in the decade that has been on Instagram.
“We are 10 years old!” he said, sharing a photo from their wedding day and another from Friday. “3650 plus days. Almost all of them filled with beauty, birthing, purpose, growth, miracles, signs, wonders, and joy. Worldwide travel and ministry on almost all the continents of this globe. Two beautiful kids. Thousand of souls coming to Christ. Millions upon millions impacted on television.”
After recounting the bright spots, the controversial pastor opened up about the difficult moments, as people who’ve followed the couple’s relationship are aware of some big ones.
“And then there were some painful days. Choices I wish I had made differently. Places of unresolved pain showing up in the worst possible moments,” he said. “And then the reminder….FOR BETTER OR WORSE, FOR RICHER, FOR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, FOR AS LONGGGGGG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE. I am God proud of the choice I made to marry this woman. And I am grateful God has blessed me with 10 years of marriage. And I look forward to applying the lessons of the past ten years to ensure that the next forty are filled with all the love, honor, cherishing, and legacy building that @iamaventergray’s heart desires.”
“All you ever wanted to do is love me,” he added. “But it’s almost impossible to love someone who hates themselves. To ten years. To your yes. To my choice. To this love. To forever. I do. Again. And again. And again. Happy anniversary baby. Let’s keep changing the world. #WeAre10 #GodDidIt #GraysForever”
Aventer didn’t publicly respond to the tribute, nor did she share a lovey-dovey post of her own. Nevertheless, we’re sure she was appreciative of the message.
For a look back on their love, hit the flip to see photos of the couple from over the years, as well as an explanation of some of Pastor Gray’s marital missteps that might provide insight into why she’s letting him do all of the talking publicly about their relationship.
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Back in November, Pastor Gray apologized publicly to Aventer after he was exposed on social media having not only an improper relationship with another woman, but insulting his wife to this other woman in front of the couple’s son. When it all came out, he told his church that he needed to take a step back to get himself together.
“I’m asking you to pray for me if you were fighting for your life, if you were fighting for your freedom, if you were fighting for wholeness,” he said at the time. “My gift will not dictate my healing. My position will not dictate my healing. Some weeks you’ll see me, others you won’t. But my prayer is that you will maintain your diligence and commitment to this church, the local church and the global church collectively.”
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Afterward, Gray, who is pictured here with Aventer, the couple’s children Theory, John IV and Royalty Brown, issued a public apology to his wife. He also cleared up some things about his mistakes.
“I failed to uphold the holy standard of God in my marriage. And I’m sorry. Although you are the only woman I’ve ever slept with, emotional unfaithfulness is just as wrong. Sin is sin. People want to minimize one sin over another, when it all can get you sent to hell,” he wrote.
“My marriage forced me to face both of me. Flesh versus spirit. It is every man’s battle. Loving God isn’t enough. Preaching Jesus isn’t enough. Face yourself. Get delivered. Or hurt the ones who actually love you the most.”
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Pastor Gray and wife Aventer are pictured here during a visit to the Today Show to promote The Book of John Gray in 2018.
“I started intense counseling (personal and for my marriage) in the summer,” he continued. “Scariest thing ever. Most necessary thing ever. I had no one to blame. My life is my responsibility. Admit your wrong. God deserves better. My wife deserves better.”
“The pain I caused her is immeasurable. Seeing her name in blogs because of things I did broke my soul,” he added. “So since I was the cause of public embarrassment, let me be JUST AS LOUD ABOUT PUBLIC HONOR.”
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The couple is pictured here with rapper Snoop Dogg at BET’s 19th Annual Super Bowl Gospel Celebration.
“Aventer you are a miracle to me. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you. You name should have NEVER come up in any conversation in any negative way with anyone ever. I must do the work to earn your trust,” he added. “I’ve lived a life I’m not proud of in so many areas, but before I die, I will be the man God intended and the husband that Your heart can rest with. I’ll be the father my kids can be proud of. I’ll be the pastor Relentless can stand behind. I’m in the process and I will stay in it. May the man I am becoming match the vision God showed you. I love you.”
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Back in 2019, Pastor Gray also cleared things up about a past inappropriate relationship he had with another woman after there were rumors that he had a child outside of his marriage.
“Over a year ago, my wife and I were in a very difficult place in our marriage. And in that time I began to converse with someone other than a counselor, other than a pastoral leader, which is literally where I should have taken my issues and challenges and began to converse,” he said on The Real. “And I was even in the presence of that person one time. But being in the presence of someone is not the same as sleeping with them. I did not sleep with anyone. There is no baby. There’s none of that. So it’s important for me to take responsibility for the areas where I did come up short.”
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“Sharing things about my marriage outside of my wife and outside of trusted counselors, it was wrong, and I take responsibility for that. But I will not take responsibility for that which I did not do,” he added. “As a pastor, it’s important for people to know when I get up in that pulpit, I come not as a perfect man, but as a broken man, which is why we talked about these very things at the first sermon of our church. People act like this is something brand new, but we’ve walked through this. We have peace, but people don’t. The genesis of this was over a year ago, but we talked about this in May at our church. And so we’re moving forward, we’re believing God that this will be an opportunity for other people to heal. But I do want to set that record straight.”
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Back in 2018, in a sermon, Pastor Gray, with Aventer by his side, talked to his congregation about their marital troubles following his mistakes.
“What they didn’t see is that for the last two years we weren’t sure if we would even make it. This is what the people saw,” he said while he and Aventer put on fake smile to get the message across. “But they didn’t see the tears at night. They didn’t see the times when one of us was sleeping on the couch because of argument. We had to keep smiling because even though we were struggling and even though I was failing as a husband, I was already in front of the people and the people can’t really receive my brokenness because where do leaders go when they bleed? Because sheep don’t do well with blood so I had to bleed alone.”
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Aventer said she prayed very hard for her husband during that time, and against the devil who sent the “strange woman” Pastor Gray was involved with.
“You pray, wife, while the devils run away. I’m not saying to sit there in perpetual foolishness, I’m saying to pray the devils away,” she said. “If you give up too soon, he wins. But he couldn’t have this purpose.”
“I see you devil, but you don’t want it with me,” she added. “I get in the eyes of the devil, you hear me? You can’t have this here, devil! I don’t care! I just look cute! But the devil don’t want it with me! I put scripture on that strange woman! She don’t want it with me, and she don’t want it with y’all. Amen!”
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Pastor Gray has been publicly apologetic about everything and not just in regards to his treatment of Aventer at times.
“I just want to take a moment to say to you Relentless Church, to the body of Christ, to those who have looked to me as an example of leadership and pastoral oversight, I want to take this moment to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the areas of my life that I left unattended, that I was apathetic about. The areas where I have treated the calling of God, the grace of God and the hand of God casually in my life. For every area of behavior that has dishonored the holiness of God, I want to tell you I’m sorry,” he said during a sermon earlier this year to his church.
“There have been a number of things, blogs, some of it accurate, some of it not but all of it, my responsibility. I apologize for putting the name of God in harm’s way. And I and I alone take the responsibility for the actions that harmed and injured God’s sheep,” he added. “No matter how many pseudo excuses one can hurl in a moment like this, for the purposes of self preservation, all of that rings hollow when all that is truly needed is the truth. My prayer for you in this moment is that you will use the discernment of the Holy Spirit to see if this is remorse or repentance. I have learned that remorse simply means ‘I’m sad because you found out.’ Repentance is I’m sorrowful and I will change.
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“Use my life as an example. I’m not fake. I’m human. Fake is saying shame on you for the same thing I struggle with,” he continued. “I’m a man who needs the same Jesus I preach about.”
“Some of you may say Pastor, what’s the difference between this moment of your life and other moments that we have walked with you through? I never submitted to anybody, whether through shame, fear, an inflated sense of worth. ‘Well, the church needs me to keep preaching so that people can take care of their families.’ If God needed someone who was stuck in sin to help Him, then I ain’t read the Bible,” he added. “God’s church is His business. It is my prayer that a mature Relentless church will continue to sow into this great work while I continue to seek the help, the health, the healing and wholeness that I deserve.”
