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There are numerous ways to mother. And sadly, for Lauren London since the passing of her partner, Nipsey Hussle, she’s had to do it on her own.

Over the weekend, London spoke with herbalist, author and entrepreneur Queen Afua, for Black Girls Rock, about the trauma of that event and what actions Lauren has taken to heal from it.

In a clip from their conversation, they spoke specifically about mothering without partners due to loss. See what they had to say below.

Queen Afua: “They’re ancestors now. We can call him up and they will speak through us, support us and encourage us. What do you say to the loss?”

Lauren: I say that I am with you. I stand with you. I can relate to your pain. Today for me, I would have had Nip here a couple years ago or a year ago to say ‘Happy Mother’s Day.’ Bring my flowers and I don’t. So in that space where I don’t have him physically here, I nurture it into myself. I will embrace the love that I do get from my family. The flowers that I do get that come from my cousins, my mother or my brother. I fully embrace that, right. I will fully be present with my kids today because time is not promised.

I will light a candle for my beloved. I will do the things that honor him that I know that he respected. And yeah, I feel more importantly, when there’s an empty space, when there’s a loss, you just do things in their honor and that fills up a little  bit of the hole.

Queen Afua: Everyone is just so filled with love for you. And every time I hear of your name, they’re always uplifting you.

Lauren London: I know it! The prayers of the people have kept me. They have no idea.

You can watch this clip from their conversation in the video below.

Earlier in the conversation, Lauren spoke about growing up with issues of self-worth and how that affected the way perceived herself as a mother before she gave birth to her first son Cameron.

“For me, I had a lot of self-worth issues growing up. I didn’t feel worthy of love. So that has been a self-journey. So when I got pregnant with my first son, I didn’t think I was going to be able to be a good mom because I didn’t think I was worthy of that amount of love. And I always say that my son, Cameron, opened up my heart. And he did.

Being a mother has helped my relationship with my mother. My mom was a single mom, she worked three jobs. It was hard on her. And in being a single mother, I gained compassion for my mother. And now we can relate in a way, you know?

I know that she did the best she could with what she had. One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that my parents were humans and that they were trying the best that they could. As I got older and was a mother myself, I started to see how hard it was for my mom and she had less resources than I have. It really has brought us closer and it has made me see her in a different light, not be so hard on her because she is I and I am her. “

You can watch the full interview in the video below.

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