Subtle (And Not-So-Subtle) Signs Your Partner's Mom Is A Monster-In-Law
Subtle (And Not-So-Subtle) Signs Your Partner’s Mom Will Be A Monster-In-Law - Page 10
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It’s been said that when you marry a person, you marry their family. It’s a sobering truth and if people were more aware of this reality and the influence that their in-laws can have on their marriage before saying “I do,” they’d probably pay a little closer attention to their partner’s relatives before marrying in. While a marriage is definitely between two people, the wrong in-laws can make staying together difficult. Of course, the signs of a toxic in-law aren’t always glaring. Sometimes, they’re more subtle. Here are ten subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs that your partner’s mom will be a monster-in-law:
She’s hypercritical of her other children’s spouses
If the spouses of your partner’s siblings can never do anything right in your mother-in-law’s eyes, don’t ever think that you are exempt from her wrath. Chances are, it’s only a matter of time before she flips on you too.
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She’s overly occupied with keeping up appearances
Anyone who is preoccupied with how they are perceived by others will often sacrifice the wellbeing of others, including their close family members, to keep up appearances. They will hide and deny things instead of encouraging their loved ones to seek the help that they need out of fear of how they will be viewed by others.
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She speaks poorly of people in their absence
We’ve all been guilty of talking about people behind their backs at some point, but when your partner’s mom has a habit of smiling in a person’s face one minute and trashing them the next, it’s a pretty good indicator that what you see is not always what you get. There’s a good chance that she has not-so-nice things to say about you in your absence as well.
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She probes
Boundaries are important and our elders are not exempt from respecting them. If your partner’s mom has a habit of probing and asking uncomfortable questions, please know that this will not stop once you say “I do.”
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She causes division between her children and grandchildren
One of the most detrimental things that a family matriarch can do is encourage division in her family, especially between a parent and child. Sadly, there are many grandmothers who interfere with parenting by inserting themselves in matters between their children and grandchildren.
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She plays victim
We all mess up sometimes and when we do, the normal thing to do is apologize. Pay close attention to how your partner’s mother reacts when she is respectfully confronted. If she finds a way to flip the script and never take accountability, it’s a sign that your relationship won’t be a cake walk by a longshot.
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She’s great at isolating people
Few people have the power to make a person feel rejected and unwelcome the way that parents-in-law can. If your partner’s mom is infamous for demonstrating favoritism and scapegoating, run.
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She gives backhanded compliments
Do compliments given by your partner’s mother always seem to have a sting to them? If so, she’s likely passive-aggressive or lacks social intelligence. Both characteristics will make having a long-term relationship with her challenging.
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She is overly involved in your partner’s affairs
We all rely on our moms for guidance and advice; however, there is a such thing as parents being overly involved in their adult children’s lives. If this is the case with your partner and his mom, once the two of you become one, she’ll be heavily involved in your business as well.
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She falls apart when she’s not in control
How does your partner’s mom behave when she’s not in the driver’s seat? Does she have strong emotional reactions to change, for example, another relative asks to host a holiday dinner at their house instead of hers? This is a sign of control issues and it won’t stop with holiday dinners.
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She emotionally manipulates her children and spouse
Speaking of strong emotional reactions, does your partner’s mom often cry or have temper tantrums to bully loved ones into compliance or to control the outcome of certain situations? Emotionally manipulative mothers-in-law are like cancer to a marriage and sometimes, they can be hard to spot until it’s too late.
