How To Motivate A Complacent Spouse

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Backs of Couple Sitting on Couch

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Marital complacency sneaks up on couples subtly, but it can wreak havoc on a marriage when left unchecked because it leads to other issues such as boredom, dissatisfaction, and infidelity. Complacency can take on many different faces in a marriage. Sometimes, it looks like one or both partners no longer feeling the need to affectionately greet each other. Other times, it manifests as one party no longer investing in their appearance. It can also show up as a lack of intimacy or emotional distance. If this sounds anything like your partner or your marriage, hope is definitely not lost if both parties are committed to making the marriage work. Here are some simple approaches to motivating a complacent spouse.

Plan a trip

A romantic getaway will always help to break up the monotony of married life. In addition to strengthening the friendship between spouses, a change of scenery can help partners see each other through new eyes and create lasting memories.

Build on your shared interests

Sometimes the best way to motivate a complacent partner is to meet them where they are. An easy way to reconnect is through shared interests. What are the activities that excite your partner? Which of those hobbies are also of interest to you? Use those shared interests as a launchpad to rekindle the romance and open the lines of communication.

Have an honest conversation

Complacency is no different than any other challenge that you will encounter in your marriage. In order to overcome, open and honest dialogue is crucial. Tell them how you’ve been feeling lately in regards to your relationship and what your needs are. Although you’re being honest, you should still be considerate of your partner’s feelings and choose your words wisely. The goal is not to shame them or make them feel bad, so avoid talking down to them or using absolutes such as “always” and “never.”

Draft a list of things you appreciate about your spouse

While it’s easy to fall into a cycle of negativity and focus on the things your complacent spouse isn’t doing, it’s important to remember and appreciate the things that they do well. This will help you avoid becoming disillusioned within your marriage. A great way to reacquaint yourself with all of the things you love about your partner is by creating a gratitude list. When you’re done creating the list, share it with them. Not only will this activity help you appreciate your partner more, it will also serve as a positive reinforcement for the things they’re already doing.

Try something new

Is there something you and your spouse have always wanted to do but always manage to come up with an excuse for why you couldn’t? Now might be a great time to revisit the conversation. It can be as simple as working out together or as daring as going skydiving. Touch base with your partner and see what the two of you can come up with.

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