Being a support system to your romantic partner is a good thing—that’s how it should be. But, you should both be support systems to each other and I fear that sometimes women act as the support to their partners who don’t do the same for them. Honestly, women are just strong bad*sses who are incredible at multi-tasking and not only taking on their own stuff but also everybody else’s. Maybe it’s centuries of child-rearing that runs through our blood. Even if you aren’t a mother, motherhood is in you. Women are the caretakers of society, and always have been.
Quite frankly, I think a lot of men out there see every woman who comes into their lives as a mommy figure. They’re so used to women existing for the sole purpose of lifting them up, helping them grow, pushing them along, and supporting them. Perhaps men who were smothered as children do this the most, and are just the worst. They just see women as accessories to their lives rather than individuals with their own goals, aspirations, and narratives. Do you know a man like this? Does this sound at all familiar? My dad falls a bit under that category, and my mom played right into it, so for a while, I chose relationships that were modeled after theirs. That’s what we do, until we learn better.
I had to take responsibility for my actions, though. I kept dating these man-children who demanded all of my attention and love and support and threw total tantrums when I had a life of my own. But nobody forced me to date them. I picked them. I had to learn to break that cycle. Sure, it’s flattering to have a man lean on you so much, but you know what’s better? Having a man who supports your independence. So, do you always take on the supporting role in your relationships?
You cancel plans to comfort him
If you have plans you’ve been looking forward to, but your partner has had a rough day, you’ll cancel your plans to stay home and comfort him. In fact, he asks you to. And then, when you do, it doesn’t even seem like he really appreciates that you did that. You just watch him play video games while he barely speaks to you, but if you get up to go to the kitchen he asks, “Where are you goooing?” like a toddler.