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When I was younger, I would get pretty upset with anybody who gave me feedback, provided me with a little constructive criticism, or just offered a note on my behavior. I didn’t see it as feedback, constructive, or “just a note”—I saw it as mean, judgmental, and rude. Today, one of my favorite characteristics in a person is the willingness to take some feedback. And I try to take any graciously, and with a grain of salt. I learned that anyone I think is truly impressive out there tends to be comfortable with feedback. It’s the only way anybody gets better, really. Sometimes, we’re lucky enough to recognize our flaws on our own, but often it takes either A) a difficult, painful lesson to show those to us or B) a caring, honest friend. Here are hard truths a good friend will tell you.
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You’re in a toxic relationship
A good friend will tell you when you’re in a toxic relationship. She’ll tell you if your partner is clearly trying to brainwash you, is controlling, and is trying to change you. And even if you get mad at her for saying it (because the brainwashing has already taken effect), she says it anyways.
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That guy is playing you
Though you may not want to hear it, a good friend will tell you if a guy is clearly playing you. Your friends love you fiercely, and though you may not yet love yourself enough to walk away from a dude who is stringing you along, your friends love you enough to pull you out of there.
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You aren’t ready for that goal yet
You’ve taken one stand-up comedy class and want to audition for the biggest club in the country. You’ve taken one business class and want to open a store. Your friends will tell you when you aren’t yet ready for a professional step, so as to save you from burning all your money or simply humiliating yourself.
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You aren’t working hard enough
This one can be very hard to hear, but if a friend sees that you just aren’t putting in the work to have the things you b*tch and whine about not having, she’ll tell you. She’ll let you know that, for the record, people who do have those things do x, y, and z that you aren’t doing.
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You’re avoiding your dreams
Maybe you’re putting in no work in the direction of your dreams because you won’t even acknowledge you want anything. Admitting we want something is scary: we open ourselves up to the risk of not getting it. So you’re working a job you don’t care about while your soul clearly dies, just to avoid the scary reality that you do have a dream. Your friend will tell you—if she cares.
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It’s time to get back out there
Alright, you’ve been moping about that guy who you really didn’t date that long and who nobody thought was right for you anyways for too long. It’s important to take the time to heal but, a good friend will identify when you’re taking too long, slap some sense into you one day, and say your time for being sad is over.
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It’s time to take some alone time
Perhaps you’re a bit of a relationship addict, jumping from one thing to the next. One year ago you moved out of the apartment where you were living with one guy into an apartment with a new guy. You just broke an engagement off with that guy last month and already have a new boyfriend. A good friend will tell you to slow your roll and perhaps see a therapist.
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Be nicer to your family or you’ll regret it
Yes, your family can be impossible to get along with. But if you’ve decided to just shut them out, and you’re clearly becoming a bitter, sad person, a good friend will grab you, shake you, and say, “Everybody’s family is annoying but they’re your family and you need them—now go call your mom.”
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Your spending is out of control
No friend wants to see you go broke and move back home. More than that, no friend wants to continue to lend you money when you clearly just have a spending problem—they don’t want to enable the problem. A good friend will let you know when it’s time to perhaps attend a shopping addiction group, or at least get serious about a budget
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Your drinking is out of control
Are you a bad drunk? Your friends will let you know. They’re tired of you ruining girls’ night out by getting into fights, getting kicked out of places, vomiting, and putting yourself in danger, causing them to babysit you all night.
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You never take responsibility
Do you always play the victim? Any time you’ve been fired, dumped, or disciplined in any way, it was never your fault, huh? A good friend won’t stand for that behavior. She’ll hear your sob story about being fired and tell you, “That was totally your fault.”
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You talk too much
Nobody wants to feel like your unpaid therapist. Yes, your friends want to hear what’s been going on in your life but they want the friendship to be a two-way street. If you just think your updates are the most important and you monopolize the conversation, a good friend will tell you to shut it.
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You’ve been a bad friend
Maybe you’ve just been a bad friend. You’ve been caught up in your own sadness over a breakup or obsession with your career that you haven’t been there for your friends—not to celebrate their victories or to help them when they’re down. A good friend will tell you that you’re on thin ice with the friend group.
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You’re too obsessed with your man
Getting a little too clingy there? Bringing your man to girl’s night? Talking about him constantly? Leaving girls’ night early to be with him? A good friend will tell you that that sh*t has to stop.
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You don’t take feedback well
Maybe the feedback your good friend will give you is that you don’t take feedback well. You lash out. You feel sorry for yourself. A good friend will tell you, “Hey, I can’t have you as a friend if I can’t tell you what’s on my mind.”
