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Most relationships don’t end suddenly. The cracks start to seep into the very foundation of the bond until both people in the partnership can’t deny them anymore. Then one, or both, call it quits.
If you are someone who has been contemplating the end of a relationship, it’s possible your significant other feels the same way—or are in denial.
“Not all relationships end with a big bang, and the ones that don’t can often be harder to detect and harder to move forward with, because we still deeply admire and respect this person,” Clara Artschwager, a modern dating and relationships coach, told Bustle.
Dealign with the truth of your relationship’s flaws can be hard to grapple with–on top of that–you have to untie your dreams of a future with them from your fantasies.
“It’s hard to shake the societal programming that all relationships are meant to amount to marriage or long-term partnership,” Artschwager said, “But the reality is, each relationship serves a different purpose in our lives.”
Signs that your relationship is (or should) come to the end begin when you are over spending time with your loved one.
“Early in a relationship, you want to share your time, thoughts, and day with your partner,” Joanne Ketch, LPC, LMFT, a psychotherapist in private practice, told Bustle. “In a good relationship, this deepens into friendship and while the urgency might shift, the desire to share and be together does not.”
You may even find yourself drifting off into thoughts about how much better a single life would be. It’s okay to do this once in awhile, but if you dream of an exit more than staying, there is probably a problem.
Couples headed for breakup also find it impossible to work through fundamental lifestyle issues.
“Maybe you want kids and your romantic partner doesn’t,” Ketch said. “Maybe you feel a certain way about religion or spirituality and your partner’s perspective will never be a match.”
Everything you try to overlook in the beginning will come back again.
“It’s important to honor who people say they are and what they want and not try to change them in order to stay in relationship with them,” Ketch said.
We also all get annoyed at our partner from time to time, but if the anger outweighs the love, you probably aren’t in a healthy connection.
“In a healthy relationship, investments into affection and playfulness ‘cover’ the withdrawals of the habits that might annoy your partner,” Ketch explained. “In a relationship that’s ending, those moments of playfulness and affection have decreased and the annoyance becomes more apparent.”
